How many children does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.
The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
What type of cookie has an orphan never had? Homemade cookies.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. When I'm taking out the trash, I remember you.
Which branch of the military accepts toddlers? The infantry.
Why aren’t orphan jokes funny?
The punchline isn’t apparent.
I saw a fat girl with a 'Guess' t-shirt, so I said, "286lb."
Teacher: What does the pig give us? Student: Bacon.
Teacher: Very good. How about the chicken? Student: Meat.
Teacher: Good, now what would a fat cow give you? Student: Homework.
Why are Alabamians so resentful of immigrants?
They don't want their sons and daughters to have sex with anyone other than their siblings or relatives.
I got sent to the principal's office for lighting the kid in the wheelchair on fire and calling him hot wheels.
Girl: How much do you love me?
Me: Count the stars in the sky.
Girl: Aww, it's infinite!
Me: No, just a waste of time.
Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.
My wife told me to pass her lip stick, but I gave her a glue stick. Now she is not talking to me.
I feel sad for orphans. They can't watch Star Wars because it's parental guidance.
You know, I like my girls how I like my 9/11: Two twins that go down easy.
The definition of a stalker is two people going on a romantic walk, but only one person knows about it.
What kind of chocolate does a lesbian hate?
Ones that contain nuts.
What's the difference between a priest and McDonald's?
They both like to slide their meat between 10 year old buns.
This chess game against America and England is getting interesting. First, America lost both of its towers, but now England has lost its queen.
My mom told me that drugs are my enemies... But Jesus said to love my enemies.
