Worst Jokes Ever
Grandpa: "You can't have phones within 15 feet of the table."
Me: "And you aren't allowed within 100 feet of the elementary school."
Hey Siri, where is my dad?
Your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas.
HAH, jokes on you! My dad’s in the kitchen!
Your mom’s husband is in the kitchen, your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas.
...WhAT-
Life is like a box of chocolates... It ends sooner for fat people.
Wife: "Hi honey, I'm pregnant."
Husband: "Hi pregnant, I'm dad."
Wife: "No, you're not...."
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.
The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
What type of cookie has an orphan never had? Homemade cookies.
A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church, and the priest says, "What about the children?" The rabbi says, "Fuck the children." And the priest says, "Do you think we'll have time?"
Roses are red. Violets are blue. When I'm taking out the trash, I remember you.
Why aren’t orphan jokes funny?
The punchline isn’t apparent.
Why are Alabamians so resentful of immigrants?
They don't want their sons and daughters to have sex with anyone other than their siblings or relatives.
Teacher: What does the pig give us? Student: Bacon.
Teacher: Very good. How about the chicken? Student: Meat.
Teacher: Good, now what would a fat cow give you? Student: Homework.
I got sent to the principal's office for lighting the kid in the wheelchair on fire and calling him hot wheels.
Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.
Girl: How much do you love me?
Me: Count the stars in the sky.
Girl: Aww, it's infinite!
Me: No, just a waste of time.
What did Hitler kill himself with? A "Nein"-millimeter.
A robber held up a depressed kid at gun point.
The depressed kid took the gun, and said, "I'll do it myself."
My wife told me to pass her lip stick, but I gave her a glue stick. Now she is not talking to me.
You know, I like my girls how I like my 9/11: Two twins that go down easy.
I feel sad for orphans. They can't watch Star Wars because it's parental guidance.
What is Africa's most played game?
The Hunger Games.