Worst Jokes Ever
When I'm bored, I text a random number, "I hid the body... now what?"
Roses are red, violets are blue. If you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.
It's sad how families can be torn apart from something as simple as wild dogs.
Never invest in funerals. It's a dying industry.
Which branch of the military accepts toddlers? The infantry.
I saw a fat girl with a 'Guess' t-shirt, so I said, "286lb."
What's the difference between a Catholic hospital and Michael Jackson's Children's Hospital?
No seriously, what is it?
My friend called me a dick earlier. I said, "You are what you eat." He then proceeded to run away from me.
What is the best part about Alabama prostitutes?
Family comes first.
A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."
I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning.
Damn, I love being a sniper.
Daughter: Dad, what's your opinion on abortions?
Dad: Ask your sister.
Daughter: But I don't have a sister.
Dad: Exactly.
What do you call a virgin in Alabama? An orphan.
When a military person dies, we shoot all night. When a drunkard dies, we drink all night. When a Christian dies, we pray all night. What if a prostitute dies? What should we do? Please tell me.
Today I was asked to go out by 17 women. Well, I was in the women's bathroom. 💀
What do you call it when you baptize a Mexican? Bean dip!
Like if you know someone is emo.
What do K-mart and Michael Jackson have in common?
They both have boys' pants half off.
YOOO, does anyone need an ark? I know a guy!
What do the twin towers and genders have in common? There used to be two, now they're a sensitive topic.