Worst Jokes Ever

A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”

The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”

Guess who dies next.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

It depends on how hard you throw them.

How do you punish Helen Keller?

Leave the plunger in the toilet.

I asked my mum to be in the Paralympics, and she said I had to eat more vegetables.

Do you know how diarrhea is common in families? Because it runs in your genes.

How did I know where you would go next?

Oh, I felt it in my bones!

Why can North Korea draw a straight line? Because they've got a supreme ruler.

What is Stephen Hawking's favorite song?

"Highway to Hell."

"Don't forget you are what you eat," said one person. "Then I should eat a skinny person!" said the other.

Stop with the dead baby jokes. We're running out of babies.

God created everyone unique till he got to Asia, then it just went to copy paste, copy paste.

9/11 is like genders.

There used to be two of them, and now it’s a touchy subject.

Boi, you can't be talking because if someone punched you in the face, you will be the one to apologize.

"Abortion: Another word for dying at spawn."

What did Stevie Wonder see when he got murdered?

Nothing.

I would make a disabled joke.

But they never work.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

She forgot to put her seatbelt on.

I’m gonna kick some gum and chew some ass... but I’m all out of ass.

I congratulated my friend on losing all that baby weight. She started crying and told me I should make them for miscarriage like that......

What did Stephen Hawking get for his B-Day?

Chocolate arm.