Worst Jokes Ever

Why don’t clams like to share?

Because they’re very shellfish.

What is hard about having a relationship with an astronaut?

They are always so distant! :-]

What's the difference between a Doberman Pinscher and a Social Worker?

Eventually, you can get a baby back from a Doberman Pinscher.

*At A Funeral For Someone Who Jumped Off A Building* Victim's Mom: "I wonder what was the last thing that went through his head..."

Me: "Honestly... Probably his ass."

A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.

Before: Caring & Noble.

After: Chernobyl.

How many fingers does the Dragonborn have?

Four fingers and a Thu'um.

People might not laugh at my jokes, or have a reaction at all, but I'd explode with euphoria.

Periodically, people might laugh every now and then.

How does an American know that his time has come?

He starts hearing Vietnamese.

What’s a cannibal's favorite food? Ramen (Ra-Men).

Your mum, your dad, The things you never had.

How do you know someone has Down syndrome?

They're doing better than you.

What’s better than winning a gold medal at the Special Olympics?

Not being retarded.

What’s the difference between Micheal Jackson and a grocery bag?

One is plastic and dangerous for children to play with, the other is used for carrying groceries.

Lynx, where the fuck are you? This is Dagger Jr. (Proof in comments).

After death, what is the only organ in the female body which remains warm?

My penis.

What do you call a room full of disabled people with epilepsy?

A seizure salad.

What do you call a flat-chested emo?

A cutting board.

Yo mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it says, "To be continued."

Joke: Genders are much like the twin towers. They used to be two, but now it's a sensitive subject.