Worst Jokes Ever
What’s the difference between an onion and a photo of a dead relative? Nothing, they both make you cry when you look at it.
What happened to the man who made too many bad jokes? He served out a cruel and unusual PUNishment.
Did you hear about the person who got hit in the head with a soda can?
Good thing it was a "soft" drink!
What is so similar about a concrete block and a garden?
They both make vegetables.
JACK AND JILL 2.0
After Jill went down the hill to get a pill,
Jack was screaming till his voice went nil,
And Jill screamed "Chill!"
Jack and Jill went up the hill so they could fuck in the water. But Jack forgot to use protection and now they have a daughter.
What does Michael Jackson say when he stubs his toe?
Ow!
What's the difference between a dead baby and an orange?
I don't keep a trash bag full of oranges in my basement.
What's the difference between a painting and Jesus?
A painting only needs one nail.
Why is the Champs d'Elysees in Paris lined with trees?
Because German soldiers like marching in the shade!
What do you call a nine year old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
If a cat hits you with her tail, is it considered being pussy whipped?
A mother and her 7 year old child are walking in the grocery store. The young boy then screams to a random woman “you're an ugly bitch.”
The mother grabs her son and says, “I’m so sorry, I must have told him a thousand of times to not judge people on how they look."
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Put him in the microwave until his bill Withers.
What do you call a male cow who’s taking a nap?
A bull dozer.
Two fish were in a tank. One turned to the other and asked: "Hey, how do you drive this thing?"
If you humped a whale, it would humpback.
What do you call sad coffee... deppresso!
Kid: Why do orphans like tennis?
Dad: Because it's the only time they get "love."
So my friend's birthday was coming up, so I got him a new box to live in.