Worst Jokes Ever

I like my women how I like my cigarettes: Smokin’ hot, and with a little saliva on the butt.

Then: You want free candy?

Now: You want free Wi-Fi?

What do you call a mushroom that makes music?

A decomposer.

What does a man with no arms or legs do on Halloween?

Nothing.

A man was hitting a woman with his d*ck. Someone ran up to the man and said, "That's domestic violence!" The man replied with, "No, it's not domestic violence, it's dumbass-d*ck violence!"

What's the best thing about f*cking twenty-eight-year-olds?

There's twenty of them.

Hippity Hoppity, women are my property.

Bippity Boppity, get the f*ck off my property!

What is long, yellow and can't swim?

A bus full of children.

What's the difference between an apple and a dead baby?

I don't jizz on an apple before eating it.

Kyle's penis is small.

How do you tell a child they have cancer?

With a smile on your face.

The other day I pushed a Chinese woman off the Golden Gate Bridge. I was Wong on so many levels.

Why did the Indian cross the road?

To run away from the Pakistani.

If I called you gay, you would probably hit me with your purse.

Friend: Why don't you cut your hair?

Me: Dunno, but I'll probably cut my wrists first.

What do you call a stupid turtle?

Retorted.

Why won't cannibals eat divorced women?

Just too bitter.

A friend was doing bird puns on me. Then I realized that toucan play at that game.

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

He wiped his butt.

Why is Stephen Hawking in hell?

He couldn't get his wheelchair up the stairway to heaven.