Worst Jokes Ever
Are you a mental hospital? Cause I need to be in you.
Why does an orphan hate the ending of Finding Nemo?
Nemo goes back to his father.
What do you call a nun on a wheelchair?
Virgin Mobile.
A young couple gets banned from church.
There were three couples, one elderly, one middle-aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks.
After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained. "Yes, no problem!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.
Then he asks the middle-aged couple the same question, "Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.
Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks.
"We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me! I took her right there."
"I'm sorry," the minister says, "but you are both banned from this church!"
"We understand," says the husband, "We were banned from the grocery store, too."
Osama Bin Laden, Josef Stalin, and Hitler are robbing a bank, who do the cops shoot first?
A black guy.
I went to a birthday party and told dad jokes.
The jokes didn't go over well. I was asked to leave the orphanage.
I had a broken vacuum, then I put a One Direction sticker on it and it suddenly sucked again.
What’s worse than finger banging your sister?
Finding your dad’s wedding ring.
The only thing drier than these jokes is your mom.
Your hairline was sponsored as a Snap Chat Filter.
What do genders and the Twin Towers have in common? There used to be 2, but now they're a sensitive topic...
My girlfriend called me a cocksucker, but hey, 20 dollars is 20 dollars.
Why doesn't anyone play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
What's the difference between Chris Brown and Santa?
Santa stops at three hoes.
I had a great day today because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table, and the teacher screamed, "Allison, how would you like it if I banged you on the table?"
What's the difference between the milkman and my dad?
Nothing, they are both one thing except he never returns with milk.
(I've been eating cereal with water COMBINATION!)
Q: Why are school shooting jokes funny?
A: Because they're intended for a young audience.
What’s the difference between a baby and a sandwich?
You don’t have sex with a sandwich before you eat it.
Two guys in a car get pulled over by a cop. The cop taps the window, and the window rolls down. "Good evening, gentlemen, we're looking for two pedophiles."
The guy quickly closes the window. Ten seconds later, he lowers it again and says, "Ok, we'll do it."
lmao why do people think they can fly?