Worst Jokes Ever
I like penguins.
What do tampons and your sister have in common?
I went into a dark basement with a flashlight, but then it died, but I was not scared. I was actually delighted.
The greatest doctor, smartest man, young geek, and inspiring preacher are on a plane. The pilot dies of a heart attack and is confirmed by the doctor. But, there are only 3 parachutes on the plane. The doctor takes one and says,
"People need me for my excellent medicine!" and jumps out. The smart man grabs one and shouts,
"People are in need of my great knowledge!" and jumps out. There is only one more parachute on the plane. The preacher says to the geek,
"You are too young. Take the final parachute and go." The geek instead says,
"No, there are two parachutes left, the 'smart' one took my backpack."
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Heaven.
Heaven who?
Heaven fun over there?
Why did the girl quit her job at the donut factory?
She was fed up with the hole business.
My friend said onions only cry, so that's why I threw a coconut at him.
A boat carrying red paint and a boat carrying blue paint crashed into each other. The crews were marooned.
My dad told me I'm a failure.
I failed a math test.
Good thing there's a pole outside my house.
The Smithsonian has 3 notable articles of clothing on display: Mr. Rodger's sweater, Jerry Seinfeld's puffy shirt, and Stephen Hawking's drool rag.
What is the difference between my Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies?
I don't keep my Lamborghini in my garage.
The black nurse tells me she has been a vegan for 29 years. The father sitting next to me asks, "So you don't miss fried chicken?"
Dark humor never gets old, just like children with cancer.
Why are french fries rude?
A man walks into a bar "Why am I so bad at Limbo?"
How many push-ups can Chuck Norris do?
All of them.
What does gum in my d*ck have in common?
Both get chewed on by little kids.
I used to believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish.
What’s the difference between how you watch porn and I watch porn?
The windows we watch through.
What do you call a dear with no eyes?
I have no eye deer!