Worst Jokes Ever
Muslims love to exaggerate, that's why they always blow things up.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fish with no eyes.
How do you get a baby to stop crawling in circles?
You nail its other hand to the floor.
What do you call a group of ethnically diverse disabled people?
Seasoned vegetables.
Me: Want to hear a joke?
Friend: Sure.
Me: When my Mum and Dad said they loved me.
Friend: What's funny about that?
Me: Because the next day they disowned me.
What is Julius Caesar’s favorite food?
Roman noodles.
Why do ducks have feathers? So they can cover their butt quacks.
What is yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of kids.
What is Green and Red and goes round and round?
A frog in a blender.
(this next one is pretty bad, and I don't mean it, so don't get offended)
What's the difference between a Mexican and a park bench?
One can support an average family.
Did you hear about Paul Walker's rap?
Wrapped around that tree.
What did the cookie say to the milk?
What’s up duud?
What is the difference between 100 dead babies and a Mustang Challenger?
I don't have a Mustang Challenger in my garage.
Wanna know why Kobe can't shoot?
Because he's dead.
I have more respect for cancer than depression, because cancer has the balls to kill me himself.
What is black, smells bad, and long? Line to social services.
One man's trash is another man's treasure. That sucks when you are adopted.
What's the difference between me and a hairdresser? We both cut too much.
You're so ugly that blind people cry when you walk past them.
A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.
The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up, and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money... Then he married the one with the biggest tits.
Hitler isn’t really a bad guy, after all, he did kill Hitler himself.