Worst Jokes Ever
I have a friend who has no arms, her name is Suzy. I always tell her this one knock knock joke, "Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" Not Suzy.
"Luck of the Irish my ass, I just blew a tranny and an engine in my truck both in the same week... Boy it really ruined my day when they found out about each other."
Anything can be funny with the right delivery, except for abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.
How do you know if someone is anorexic? You toss them a onion ring and see if they eat it, or use it as a hula hoop.
What's black and white and hard as nails? A nun on speed!
One day, two Chinese people with broken English go to America. When they arrive, they go to a small place to eat. When they look at the menu, they see "hot dog," but since their English is bad, they think it's literally a roasted dog and order it. When it comes back, they're both surprised, and one of them asks,
"What part of the dog did you get?"
What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother's cunt?
Putting in 12 and sucking out 13.
Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
Because it's extinct.
What do you call a homeless bounty hunter?
Hobo Fett!
A pun enters the room and kills ten people.
Pun in, ten dead.
I fear my last words will be "hold my beer and watch this."
What does a carpenter do after a one night stand?
The second nightstand.
Yo mama so hairy that when she go to the hair salon they say, "No pets allowed."
What happens when Batman sees Catwoman?
The Dark Knight Rises.
I was hunting at night for deer, and then I found one and shot it. I realized the deer I shot was actually my ex...
I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5.
...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.
I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"
What did Homer Simpson say when he ran over a deer? "DOE!"
My sister said the onion is the only vegetable that can make you cry...
So I threw a carrot at her.
A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "uno, dos..." *poof* ... He disappeared without a tres.
If anyone's gonna be fuckin' my sister, it's gonna be ME!