Worst Jokes Ever
When there’s an earthquake, coffins become underground maracas.
Bosses are like seagulls.
They fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, then fly out.
Me: John, what did he do earlier?
John: Hold on, I’m trying to think.
Me: I thought I smelled poop.
Q: What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in front of a door?
A: Mat.
Why do orphans go to church so much?
So they can have someone to call father.
Why does the heart listen to music a lot?
Because it loves feeling the beat.
My sister said the onion is the only vegetable that can make you cry...
So I threw a carrot at her.
My friend: "Ya mama so stupid, she sits on the TV and watches the couch!"
Me: "That joke's older than your mom!"
Animal jokes, eh?
Toucan play at that game.
Yo mama is so fat, when she took a walk, she made an earthquake!
A guy went to the doctor and told him that whenever he drinks a cup of tea, his eye hurts. The doctor brought him a cup and asked him to drink. When he finished, the doctor told him: "From now on, take off the spoon."
What did Ron put in his diary?
I "Her-mio-ne" after I banged her last night.
I hate it when ever I bring a girl over, my parents don't care, but when I bring one of my friends that's a boy, they're like, "Keep the door open," and I'm gay.
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's candy.
Jack got a big shock with a mouth full of huge cock, because Jill's real name is Randy, and she had no candy, just he gave Jack a handy.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because North Korea's long-range missiles can't reach that far.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because he forgot to plug in the charger.
Why did the skeleton not go to the ball? Because he had no body to go with.
Your nan's bald.
Joe mama so fat when she went to the movies, she sat next to everybody.
Joe mama so fat when she stepped on the scale, it said, "One at a time, please."
Joe mama so fat when she stepped on the scale, it said, "To be continued."
What is black, white, and red all over? An interracial abortion.