Worst Jokes Ever
When his dick is really, really small, but you pretend it is so big it hurts so you don’t make him feel bad 'cause he is a nice guy.
What did the big flower say to the little flower?
Hi, Bud!
What starts with "E" and ends with "G"?
Everything.
Everybody was kung flu dying.
It traveled as fast as lightning.
2020 was expert timing.
In fact, it was a little bit frightening.
So Stephen Hawking walks into a bar.
I’m just kidding.
Q: How can you tell if a vampire is sick?
A: By how much he's coffin.
Why can't a steam locomotive sit down?
Because it has a tender behind.
Why does Santa come down the chimney? Because he knows he isn't allowed to come in the back door.
I tried to adopt an orphan. The card got declined harder than the child did.
Three nuns die in a car crash, but they all make it to heaven. They're standing at the pearly gates, and Saint Peter says to them, "Don't worry, you're going to get in, but first I need you to answer these questions."
He asks the first nun, "What was the name of the first woman?" The nun says, "Eve." Saint Peter says, "Go on in."
Then he asks the second nun, "Where did Adam and Eve live?" The second one says, "The Garden of Eden." Saint Peter says, "You can go through."
Finally, he gets to the third nun and says, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" The nun stands there a little confused and says, "Boy, that's a hard one." Saint Peter, shocked, goes, "That's correct! Go on in."
What's the difference between drugs and children? I don't sell drugs.
What’s the most played song in Africa?
Have you ever seen the rain?
Q. What's the biggest cause of infant drownings? A. Postpartum depression.
What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers? Well hung.
Those rape alarms give you a headache, don't they?
The good thing about being gay in school is that you can be the best student and still get all the D's.
My battery lasted longer than your sad, depressing life.
Why do nuns not wear bras?
God supports everything.
When you realize you forgot to mop your room, you hear footsteps.
- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.
- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.
- Oh...that might actually be even easier.