Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a basement full of SJW's?
A whine cellar.
Where do math teachers go on vacation? Times Square.
Nearly 40% of the world have been in a relationship; the 60% are worstjokesever.com users.
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air, and men with spears are there.
One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So, what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."
The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."
The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."
And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."
The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the Queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, “MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS!”
My mom tells me and my sister to stop fighting. "Mom! You and Dad need to stop!"
How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claus-trophobic.
They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.
For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?
Your hairline is so far back it was friends with the dinosaurs!
What movie do orphans relate to? Home Alone.
What did the plane say to the tower?
"Give me a kiss."
What do orphans call family pictures?
A selfie.
The trip from your eyebrow to your hairline costs $6000.
Did you hear that Michael Jackson once got food poisoning?
He ate 12-year-old nuts.
Who did the cow want to hang with?
The udders.
Yo mama's so dumb, she waited until the stop sign turned blue.
Yo mama's so fat, when she got pregnant, she fell to the earth's core.
What did the cow say?
Moo!
I'm actually against abortion.
Just go to the car wash and tell 'em you ate too much red pasta!
I tried to adopt an orphan. The card got declined harder than the child did.
How much alcohol does JFK prefer to drink?
3 shots.