Worst Jokes Ever
Ukrainians leave without saying goodbye.
Russians say goodbye without leaving.
I actually want peace, not war.
That's what I always try reminding my girlfriend before beating her up.
How do you get a slag from Dundee pregnant?
Spunk in the gutter and let the flies do the work...
This guy goes to a bar and pulls out a little guy playing the piano. The bartender asks him where he got a small man with a piano.
The guy points outside to a genie granting people wishes. The bartender runs out and 1 million ducks appear.
The bartender yells at the genie saying, “Are you fucking deaf? I asked for 1 million bucks, not 1 million bucks!”
The guy from the bar says, “No shit! You think I really asked for a 12-inch pianist?”
What's an Alzheimer's victim's favorite musical group?
The Who?
Hello, it is the suicide line. Just keep hanging.
Q. What's the difference between a Kevlar vest and a CEO?
A. The CEO isn't bulletproof.
If a CEO goes blind, are they just an EO?
There are a lot of upsides to being an orphan.
For one, you never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.
Why do witches wear name tags?
So they know which witch is which!
A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.
He yells, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
What happened to the frog that partied illegally?
He got TOAD away!
The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"
He says, "No."
She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."
Leave a man on a plane, and he flies for a day.
Throw a man off a plane, and he flies for the rest of his life.
What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?
The washer doesn't take loads for free.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Luke.
Luke who?
Luke through the keyhole and you’ll see.
American soldier: "Did you come here to die?"
Australian soldier: "Nah mate, I came 'ere yesterdie."
Why do dolphins live in salt water?
Because pepper water would make them sneeze!
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
You can't use a pitchfork to get the bowling ball out of the truck.
What type of teacher doesn't fart in public?
A private tutor/tooter.