Worst Jokes Ever
What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
Yo mama so ugly, when I put her next to a naked mole rat, it said "bluetooth connected."
I like my women how I like my scotch: 11 years old and mixed with Coke.
How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?
Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.
What do you do when a woman is choking?
Back up a couple inches.
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday, which sucks because I wanted her to flow further down.
I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.
I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"
She said, "He was a little tardy."
I replied to her, "I thought they all were."
One time my dad was an orphan, so I questioned where he learned to parent.
Sophia matched with a midget on Tinder.
Midget: Hey! What’s up?
Sophia: Well technically everything is, from your perspective!
I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...
... the first two being politics and religion.
How do you describe a redhead with bad teeth?
Gingervitus.
Two Indians are walking beside a river...
One reaches down into the mud and runs it through his fingers.
"The White Man was here."
"How can you tell?"
"We're speaking English, aren’t we?"
Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing."
The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this, the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady replied, "Well, when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first." The second lady, not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be outdone, took off her pants and panties. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, they always search for the black box first."
Steven Hawking had dark humor.
Whenever he turned on his laugh effect, it diverted power from his screen brightness.
I tried to adopt an orphan. The card got declined harder than the child did.
Why were the Twin Towers mad?
Because they bought a pepperoni pizza, but they got plane.
Why was Mrs. Claus upset?
Because Santa only comes once a year.
Who did the cow want to hang with?
The udders.
Why are orphans so good at tennis?
They never get love.
Yo mama's so dumb, she waited until the stop sign turned blue.
Yo mama's so fat, when she got pregnant, she fell to the earth's core.