Worst Jokes Ever
If two vegans are arguing, is it still considered beef?
Yo mama's so stupid, when they said, "Order in the court," she asked for burgers and fries.
What falls to the ground first if an apple and an emo kid fall from a tree?
The apple because the rope caught the emo kid.
What's the number 1 cause of pedophilia?
Sexy kids.
Somebody called the cops for a school shooting, what a snitch!
Stephen Hawking always wins musical chairs, as he’s always sitting down.
A man dies, and his friend is invited to his funeral.
This friend asks his wife, "Can I say a word?"
"Of course," she says.
The man stands up and says, "Plethora!"
The man's wife says, "Thanks, it means a lot!"
Stephen Hawking:
Q: Who Made Stephen Hawkins' Wheel Chair?
A:) Tesla
These jokes are nearly as dead as Steven Hawkings.
Skidaddle skidoodle, your dick is now a noodle!
My sex life.
Don't break someone's heart because they only have one; instead, break their bones... they have 206.
What's a rapist's favorite scale?
C Minor.
Oh, sh**! I'm late for my interview! Do you know where the nearest sex offender registry is?
Justin: Hey.
Josh: Hey man.
Justin: Why only "man"?
Josh: It feels weird saying the r a c e y names.
Justin: I don't mind.
Josh: Okay, S L A V E.
Justin: Oh no, not T H A T one!
A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m., and his wife is livid. "You swore that you'd be home by 11:45!"
"No," slurs the mathematician, "I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12."
What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
Stephen Hawking in a house fire.
Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner."
The first lady says, "2 years, 2 side-hoes." She got an old lexus.
The second lady says, "10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute." She got a Mercedes-Benz.
The third lady says, "I never had a husband."
The angel says in response, "F*ck me and then you can have a lambo."
They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying.
The first lady says, "I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse."
"How!?" The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a d*ck!"
Why was Han Solo so suspicious when he put his penis inside Princess Leia for the first time?
Because it was Luke warm.
Q: How do you know an Asian person was in your house?
A: Your homework is done, breakfast is made, and your cat is gone.