Worst Jokes Ever
What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?
"Wait, I can explain everything!"
What's white and comes in little cans?
Michael Jackson.
Where do alien cows come from?
- The Milky Way.
Q: Have you ever felt a window?
A: Did you feel the pane?
I talked to a future suicide bomber. I told him, "ISIS ain't got sh** on me because I planted a bomb and lived."
Q: What's the best thing about fucking 28 year olds?
A: There's 20 of them.
Doctor approaches a patient in Hospital and says, "I have some good news and bad news."
So the patient says, "What is the bad news?" the Doctor replies, "I have had to amputate both your legs." So the patient says, "Well, what is the good news?" The Doctor replies, "I have found someone to buy your slippers."
Why does Sans like puns so much? Probably because he finds them humorous.
A man is meeting a client in Japan, but arrives a day early. When night hit, he went out with a prostitute. They're having sex, but the prostitute kept shouting "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!", so the man thinks he's doing a good job. The next day, the man meets his client and they go golfing, and the client gets a hole in one. The man praises him by going "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!". His client turns around confused and says, "What do you mean wrong hole!?"
What did the skeleton say to the other skeleton? "You're dead to me."
When is a door not a door? When it's ajar.
What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller? -- "Curses! Foil again!"
Your hairline goes so far back it went back to when Earth was created.
Q: How do you make a door cry?
A: Twist its knob.
A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
Let’s say there’s a person who should have never come to exist. How would you find them?
A: Look in a mirror.
My credit card is more declined than the love from my dad.
Want to hear something that’ll make you smile? Your face muscles.
Are you a wild girl, cause I want to catch you with my pokeballs?