Worst Jokes Ever
Fat people are the reason we have double doors.
What's the difference between sex and mental illness?
Most of Reddit has experienced mental illness.
Why was Mrs. Claus upset?
Because Santa only comes once a year.
Yo mama so ugly, when she tried to enter an ugly contest, they said they didn't allow professionals.
My sister gives her hamster to my brother since she thinks I'm irresponsible, so I throw it out the window.
Roses are red, I'm not a boaster.
Elon must've got rushed to the hospital after impregnating a toaster.
What did one gay sperm say to the other? "You think we’ll find the egg and all this shit?"
Why was Hitler kicked out of the Deutsche Tourenwagen Masters?
He could never finish a race.
What are women allergic to and always try to dodge?
Accountability.
How do you get a slag from Dundee pregnant?
Spunk in the gutter and let the flies do the work…
What do a small pair of underpants and a small dance room have in common?
No ballroom.
What did the trans woman say after finally telling her parents about her surgeries?
“It felt really good to get that off my chest.”
Girl, are you a rope? Because I want to hang with you.
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense."
The little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies, "Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit."
Why can't Asians golf?
Because they can't drive.
What do you call a race car driver with Down syndrome? Down shift.
How do terrorists feed their children?
Here comes the airplane.
Why does a Mexican want to learn math?
To study perimeter.
Why was Michael Jackson kicked out of boy scouts? He was up to a pack a day!
My girlfriend dumped me today. Apparently, I don't stand up for her in fights. I don't care. She used to push me around all the time.