Worst Jokes Ever

What are the basic ingredients when a cannibal makes a sandwich?

2 slices of Brad.

I think fat people took the Hunger Games a little too seriously.

The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"

What did Snow White say when she sat on Pinocchio? "Lie to me."

What happened to the frog that partied illegally?

He got TOAD away!

What is the best game for a deaf person?

Charades.

Three nuns die in a car crash, but they all make it to heaven. They're standing at the pearly gates, and Saint Peter says to them, "Don't worry, you're going to get in, but first I need you to answer these questions."

He asks the first nun, "What was the name of the first woman?" The nun says, "Eve." Saint Peter says, "Go on in."

Then he asks the second nun, "Where did Adam and Eve live?" The second one says, "The Garden of Eden." Saint Peter says, "You can go through."

Finally, he gets to the third nun and says, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" The nun stands there a little confused and says, "Boy, that's a hard one." Saint Peter, shocked, goes, "That's correct! Go on in."

Q. What's the biggest cause of infant drownings? A. Postpartum depression.

I got told I'm too mean and that I need to think before I speak. So now I take a couple minutes and think of what will REALLY piss the other person off.

What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? A rabbi cuts it off, a priest sucks it off.

Why does Santa come down the chimney? Because he knows he isn't allowed to come in the back door.

My girlfriend went to the doctor for a broken arm, and they told her it should be better in about two months. I asked her what they said. She said, "It should be better in about two months." I then asked her, "What did the dentist say?"

What do you say to a feminist with no arms and no legs?

"Nice tits, bitch."

What do you call an under-the-weather seven?

A sick seven.

When the priest said, "Be gone from this boy, demon!" the demon replied, "And you get out of the boy!"

What does a woman and a hurricane have in common?

They’re nice and wet at first, but in the end they take everything.

I flew a paper airplane and I rate it 9/11.

What did the planes say when they were smashing or passing the Twin Towers?

Smash.

(Get it?) 9/11.

Did you hear that Michael Jackson once got food poisoning?

He ate 12-year-old nuts.

Why are Black people getting stronger?

Because the TVs are getting bigger.