Worst Jokes Ever

What do you call a deaf animal?

Anything, it can't hear you.

I came home from school one day and told my cat a kid at school said I was an idiot and told me to go kick rocks, so I did, except I kicked him, not the rocks, and I called him the idiot for not moving out of the way.

Wanna know what is offensive? I don't know, ask feminist (sans undertale).

My sisters ask me, "Are you really a virgin?" I say, "That's nun of your business!"

Two cannibals have just captured a man and are about to eat him, so they cook him and lay him on a table. The first cannibal says, "You start at the bottom, I start at the top," so they both chow down.

About half an hour later, the second cannibal says, "I'm having a ball!" Then the first cannibal says, "Then you're eating too fast!"

Your spelling is more morbid than any of these jokes.

Before the chicken or the egg, there was only Chuck Norris.

An apple a day, or you'll die anyway.

I wish I didn't have depression because all my friends have "BBC Bitch be crazy" disease.

Here's how to piss off all of North America.

All the United States is, is South Canadia.

Does your shoe have a hole in it?

No.

Then how did you put your foot in it?

I was trying to poison Santa, but he killed my dad and ate all the cookies! 😤

What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?

Baby Jesus died a virgin.

Did Jesus die a virgin?

Of course not! He got nailed before he died.

I will never forget my girlfriend's last words... "Get off of me! STOP!" *slurp*... Dead.

Where do sick boats go? The dock!

Things you never want to do in jail:

- Never piss off an inmate. - Don’t start fights with the cops. - Don’t drop the soap. - Don’t run away from the cops.

Jeff asks, "Did you hear about the guy they call the flash?"

Bob responds, "No, I haven't. Do they call him that because he runs fast?"

Jeff replies, "Nah, they call him that because he doesn't wear pants."

How many gay guys can you fit on a barstool? 4... if you turn it upside down.

When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.