Worst Jokes Ever

What goes "Ooooooo"?

A cow with no lips.

- I think you're EGGcellent.

+ Wow... You really CRACK ME UP with that joke. I think you're a EGGxtraordinary comedian.

- Really? Are you done yet?.

+ Are you kidding? I have a DOZEN of them.

What did the cowboy say to the girl on the beach?

"Sandy cheeks."

Where were the first orange trees 🍊🌳 planted?

In Orange County.

My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”

One day, there were two muffins in an oven. One of the muffins said, "Man, it's hot in here." The other one said, "Oh my god! A talking muffin!!!"

What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire? "HOT WHEELS"

His name rhymes with walking and talking, but he can’t do either.

Freddie Mercury was on top of the music world. That's only the 2nd thing he was a top in.

Q: Give a man a day of therapy, he'll be sad for then and on.

A: Give a man a noose, he'll be sad for the rest of his life.

The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumeference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another guy. "What's going on here!?" he exclaims.

The wife replies, "See, I told you he was stupid."

"Explain bear is a homosexual, confirmed."

What do you call a religious drug addict?

A crystal methodist.

What do you call 4 black guys and 2 white guys?

The Oreo Gang!

I had a horse named Mayo, and sometimes Mayonnaise.

My grandma always said, "Slow and steady wins the race."

She died in a fire.

Seeing one of her students making faces at others in the playground, Mrs. Matthews stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that."

The student looked up and replied, "Well, you can’t say you weren’t warned, Mrs. Matthews!"

It’s OK if emo kids always hang from the trees, but if we do it, it’s considered against the law.