Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?
The Devil's advocado.
Your momma is so skinny, she hula hoops with a Cheerio!
Why should you stay away from trees? - Because they wanna be leafed alone.
Why was the chef embarrassed?
He saw the salad dressing.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.
What was the last thing that went through Princess Diana's mind?
The steering wheel.
Some people are like a software update. When I see them I think, "Not now."
My girlfriend and I played Russian Roulette once.
We had sex afterwards even though she lost.
What do you tell a dead metal fan?
Rust in peace.
I always hated being born a Catholic as a kid. The way you have to keep kneeling down, bending over, and standing up all within a few minutes of each other while at church. I was always thinking, “For God’s sake, just pick a position and fuck me!”
You should never try Afghan weed because people in Afghanistan get stoned to death.
If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it, would they be kicking or hitting you?
One day a man was fixing a car, and he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, "Hmm, this tastes pretty good!" So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like, "Dude, this can't be healthy." But he said, "Don't worry. I can STOP anytime."
I ran over my neighbor's cat last night, and I just want to say... that thing was fast! I had to run a red light to get it!
Is sex a joke? Because I don't get it.
So Paul Walker made a rap cover. It is called "Straight Out of Windshield."
Why do you never play a game of cards in the jungle? Because there are cheetahs!
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef.
How do you get a clown to stop smiling?
You shoot him in the face.
How would you best describe prostate cancer?
Well, it is somewhere between a dick and an asshole!