Worst Jokes Ever
My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.
Why do orphans hate health ed at school?
Their parents can't opt them out of it.
What if Stephen Hawking was the real Slim Shady, but he couldnβt stand up?
Sup peoples?
I asked the gym instructor,
"Can you teach me to do the splits?"
"How flexible are you?" he asked.
"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."
"You're an orphan forever," - Harry Potter.
The S in America stands for safe.
Preventing suicide is best done by committing it.
Suicide isn't a joke. It's called "parkour gone wrong."
My friend had an allergic reaction after he ate a peanut.
We got his EpiPen to help him when Penaldo appeared because he heard the word "PEN". He tried stealing the pen, but I said, "No pens for you," and "Brentford". He cried and ran away. Shame on you, Penaldo the fraud!
I'm the second worst thing to happen to those orphans.
Why was the tower of Pisa leaning?
They had better reflexes than the trading center.
Are you a tree? Cuz Iβm trying to hang with you. ;)
(There was a mommy tomato, a daddy tomato, and a baby tomato.)
Baby: Wait for me!
(Father tomato walks back toward the baby.)
(He squishes the child.)
Father: Ketchup!
Why does Sans say "I got a bone to pick with you?"
Because he needs to pick your balls.
I just planted emo grass.
Ignore it and it cuts itself.
Cristiano Clapnaldo woke up FEELING DANGEROUS against Real Sociedad!
- 0 tapins! - 0 assists! - 3/3 dives! - 0 key passes! - 2 big chances missed! - 1/4 dribbles! - 2 Offsides! - 27 claps!
Better than Elanga?
Was invited to the inauguration of an I-pad.
We were all ready to begin the event. I was supposed to cut the ribbons, but before I could do that, Penaldo jumped outta nowhere and shouted, "I DON'T WANT I-PAD, I ONLY WANT TO STATPAD!"
Shame on Penaldo for ruining the event! π‘
What is a prostitute's favorite form of traffic control?
Speed humps.
Two cows are grazing in a field.
One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!"