Worst Jokes Ever
I want to thank all the sidewalks out there for keeping me off the street.
And the Lord said onto John, "Come forth to receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.
What do you do when an orphan takes a family photo?
A selfie.
Q: What was Hellen Keller's favorite game as a kid?
A: Musical chairs.
Why are pirates called pirates? Because they arrrrrrrr!
What is a tuba plus tuba? -- Fourba.
Two scientists walk into a bar. One says, "I want h20." The other said, "I want h20, too." The second scientist died.
Why did the sea cry?
Because it felt salty and blue.
How do you get an emo out of a tree?
Just cut the rope.
What does a queen want on her cookie?
Royal Icing.
What time is it when you walk into a wall? Time to get to bed!
Son: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
Dad: "Yes, we arson."
What was the one test Stephen Hawking couldn't pass? The beep test.
I was talking to a beaver about my life. I don't think he really gave a dam about it at all.
Trump says to Obama, "You know it’s the White House, not the black house, right?" And Obama says, "Yeah, but it isn’t the orange house either."
Why don't Romans find algebra interesting?
X is always 10.
What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
What is worse to have - a dead baby or a dead Santa Claus?
Santa. You need extra freezers for reindeer.
I was cooking eggs the other day. It was very egg-citing, although, I was exaggerating, but, if you think that wasn’t funny to you, then you’re hard-boiled. That’s all for today, yolks! So I said before several cats starting fighting, that sh*t was a catastrophe. These kittens were all like “You’ve gotta be kitten me.” Meanwhile, in the ocean, they just waved, see what I did there? You shore you didn’t? Oh, alright, that’s okay bud- I guess these ocean puns are too deep for you. No? Okay- but, you know why the skeleton was lonely, eh? Oh, cause he had no body. Why didn’t the skeleton ask the girl out? He didn’t have the guts. What did the skeleton do to his gf? He boned her. No? Alright. Those didn’t make you laugh? Maybe I should hit your funny bone.
What do Jesus and I have in common? Our dads left us...