Worst Jokes Ever

How does the moon cut his hair?

Eclipse it!

What's Gru's favorite Beyoncé lyric? "Who run the world... Gorls."

I like my women like I like my wine: 12 years in a basement.

Mom said dad had the best pullout game... now I'm an uncle.

What do trans men and Pinocchio have in common?

Both are lying when they say "I'm a real boy."

(I'm a trans man myself lol)

I once had a cat that reminded me of Doug Ford.

Fat, mean, and probably inbred.

A millionaire LOVES alligators and filled his pool full of alligators. One night he has a party and says, "Whoever can swim from one end to the other of the alligator infested pool unharmed will get a prize, my daughter or a million dollars." Some people line up but they are hesitant. One man gets in the water, swims from one end to the other unharmed, and went to the millionaire. The millionaire says, "Wow, I can't believe you did it! So what's your prize?" The guy says, "I don't care about the million dollars or your daughter, I just want to know who the b@$*ard was that pushed me in the pool!"

When do astronauts eat lunch?

At launch time.

What did scientists prove when they saw a skeleton on the moon?

The cow didn’t make it.

Dark humor is just like food, not everybody gets it.

Wanna know what is offensive? I don't know, ask feminist (sans undertale).

My sisters ask me, "Are you really a virgin?" I say, "That's nun of your business!"

Two cannibals have just captured a man and are about to eat him, so they cook him and lay him on a table. The first cannibal says, "You start at the bottom, I start at the top," so they both chow down.

About half an hour later, the second cannibal says, "I'm having a ball!" Then the first cannibal says, "Then you're eating too fast!"

Your spelling is more morbid than any of these jokes.

Before the chicken or the egg, there was only Chuck Norris.

An apple a day, or you'll die anyway.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To end his pain and suffering.

I wish I didn't have depression because all my friends have "BBC Bitch be crazy" disease.

Here's how to piss off all of North America.

All the United States is, is South Canadia.

Does your shoe have a hole in it?

No.

Then how did you put your foot in it?