Worst Jokes Ever
What's the difference between sex and mental illness?
Most of Reddit has experienced mental illness.
How do you describe a redhead with bad teeth?
Gingervitus.
How do you restrain a straight person? Give them a straight jacket.
How do you restrain a trans person? Make the trans vest tight.
Who did the cow want to hang with?
The udders.
Yo mama's so dumb, she waited until the stop sign turned blue.
Yo mama's so fat, when she got pregnant, she fell to the earth's core.
I flew a paper airplane and I rate it 9/11.
What did the planes say when they were smashing or passing the Twin Towers?
Smash.
(Get it?) 9/11.
Why were the Twin Towers mad?
Because they bought a pepperoni pizza, but they got plane.
Why was Mrs. Claus upset?
Because Santa only comes once a year.
What did the cow say?
Moo!
I'm actually against abortion.
Just go to the car wash and tell 'em you ate too much red pasta!
I asked a black man on the street if a white person paints their face black, it’s considered racist, but if a black person paints their face white, will the cops treat them better?
What is the best game for a deaf person?
Charades.
What does a woman and a hurricane have in common?
They’re nice and wet at first, but in the end they take everything.
My wife said I didn’t listen to a single thing she says.
What a weird way to start a conversation!
Why is there air conditioning in hospitals?
To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.
What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?
A margarita hits the spot every time.
The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.
So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.
Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.
Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.
Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.
Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"
The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"
What was Jesus's favorite sport?
Lacrosse.
What's the difference between a sheet and a baby?
One of them is really loud when you iron it.