Worst Jokes Ever
How can you get free butt plants? Just get your man to fill your butt with natural juices.
"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.
What's a rabbit's favorite song?
Hip hop.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he had no balls to do it.
I was watching my daughter play at the park. A woman came up to me and asked which one was mine. I said I was still choosing.
Three men were captured by a tribe and tortured. The leader of the tribe tells them that they would live only if they could achieve one thing: They had to go out and find 10 pieces of the same fruit each.
The first person returned with apples. The leader said that he had to put all 10 of them up into his ass without making a sound, or he would be killed. 1... 2... he screamed.
The next person came back with grapes. 1, 2, 3, he counted up to 8, but began to burst out laughing; he was killed. In heaven, the first man asked him why he laughed if he was doing so well. "Well, I saw the third guy coming back with fucking pineapples!"
Old soviet joke.
"Who is your mother?" "Our great Soviet country." "Who is your father?" "Our dear comrade Stalin." "What's your greatest desire?" "Becoming an orphan."
doctor: you need to eat healthy.
me: no.
doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after I suggested it died.
me: oh my goodness.
doctor: in a plane crash.
me: that sounds unrelated.
doctor: I'm the one that crashed it. Do not disobey me!
Why are Americans so bad at Clash of Clans? Because they already lost two towers.
Crispy, Juicy, Tender, I just put my new-born son in a blender.
Why do orphans play a lot of tennis?
Cause that's the only way they get love.
1 minute silence for those who still think thoughts can't kill you.
What did the cannibal do after eating all the vegetables?
Sold the wheelchairs on eBay.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "I know you wanna." Jack undressed, and she pulled up her dress so they could have some fun. But stupid Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
"I'm sorry" and "my bad" mean the same thing, unless you're at a funeral.
Titanic, doing the polar plunge before it was cool.
What you breathe in is called oxygen, otherwise known as, "African food".
Why did the scarecrow get promoted?
He was out-standing.
I wanted to make a joke about homework, but sadly, I'm an orphan.
How does the next train stop for a depressive person? Death.