Worst Jokes Ever
My crush: "I cut 4 inches off my hair yesterday." Me: "So?" My crush: "4 inches is a lot!" Me: "Oh yeah?"
Were you born on a highway? Because most accidents happen on the highway.
Roses are red, my blood is too. I see a lot when I lost you.
Billy: *spits out food*
Mom: BILLY! We swallow what we have in our mouths.
Dad: *looks at mom*
Mom: Shut up.
If you get it, you get it.
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday. Drat. I was hoping she might float a bit more downstream.
Kid: "Hey, are you an orphan?"
Friend: "Yeah, but you are too."
Kid: "At least my parents wanted me."
I was making sandcastles with my Nan, then my mum came in the room and took away the urn.
What did the baby cow say to the mommy cow when he saw a hamburger?
"Mommy, is that Uncle Joe?"
What is an orphan's least favorite movie?
Spider-Man, because it told them there was no way home.
Why did the dog join the marching band?
Because he had his trum-bone.
What 7 letters do you say when you open the fridge and see it’s empty?
O I C U R M T
What do Civil War veterans and pedophiles have in common?
They both prefer Minnie (mini) balls.
I think my family is racist.
I brought a black girl home, and my wife went crazy and told me to pack my bags, and my kids were upset.
What's the best way to catch a fish? Ask someone to throw it to you.
Why can't an orphan be gay? Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy."
What did the orphan ask Santa for? A good family.
A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."
The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."
The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"
The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."
I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before kicking the bucket: "Hey, wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"
The Twin Towers are like Angry Birds in real life.
If a homeschooled kid kills his parents, is it considered a school shooting?