Worst Jokes Ever
"I'm sorry" and "my bad" mean the same thing, unless you're at a funeral.
I saw an orphan crying the other day, so I asked, "Where are your parents?"
God, I love working at an orphanage :)
What you breathe in is called oxygen, otherwise known as, "African food".
Your tits look heavy. Need help holding them up?
Free service for tit holding!
What are women allergic to and always try to dodge?
Accountability.
"Sir, we noticed a 2-year gap in your resume."
"That was when I went to Yale."
"A Yale man? Well, you're hired!"
"Thanks! I really need this yob!"
What's the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
You take your boots off before jumping on a trampoline.
What do you call a race car driver with Down syndrome? Down shift.
How do terrorists feed their children?
Here comes the airplane.
What did one gay sperm say to the other? "You think we’ll find the egg and all this shit?"
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense."
The little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies, "Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit."
Yo mamma is so dumb that she smokes to burn calories!
Girl, are you a rope? Because I want to hang with you.
If you give a dwarf 5-Hour Energy, will it become 10-hour Energy?
What is a government mandate?
When Obama and Biden go out to dinner together.
What is the difference between the government and organized crime?
Only one of them is organized.
Fat people are the reason we have double doors.
A blind man walks into a woman's bar and asks the person next to him if she would like to hear a blonde joke. The woman says, "Before you tell your joke, you should know the bartender is blonde and has a shotgun, the bouncer is blonde and has a baseball bat, the two playing music are blonde and have pistols. Do you still want to tell that joke, cowboy?" He thought for a second and said, "Not if I have to explain it five times."
What do a small pair of underpants and a small dance room have in common?
No ballroom.
One day, little Johnny woke up to get a drink of water. He passed by his parents' bedroom and noticed sheets bouncing. He asked his dad what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." Little Johnny said, "Who is your partner?" Dad said, "Your mom." On his way up, he passed by his sister's room and noticed sheets bouncing around and asked what she’s doing. She said, "Playing cards with my boyfriend, Paul." The next day, Dad came to ask Johnny a question. The father noticed Johnny was still in bed and asked him what he was doing. He saw the sheet bouncing and asked Johnny what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." His dad asked him who his partner was. Little Johnny said, "You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand."