Worst Jokes Ever
An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet-Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland." When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests.
The painting depicts Lenin's wife naked in bed with Leon Trotsky.
"But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" asks one of the guests.
"Lenin is in Poland," replies the painter.
How many feminists do you need to change a light bulb?
One. She puts the bulb up and waits for the world to revolve around her.
...just kidding-
- none. They can't change anything.
Why was the sun ☀️ mad at the clouds ☁️?
Because the clouds kept throwing shade.
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One screams when you put it in a blender, and the other one is a cooperative little fruit.
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
What is a pirate's favorite element?
Argon.
What do terrorists do on 9/11? They have a game of Jenga.
All zodiac signs have their hairstyles. Except cancer.
Me: What did one toilet say to the other?
You: What?
Me: You look flushed!
What games would deaf people not be good at?
Simon says and Musical chairs.
Q. What does Kenny get when he hugs his mom?
A. A boner.
A women's knitters group is having a meeting, and they are all pregnant. They all talk about their pregnancies.
One woman says, "I'm taking vitamin C so my baby has a healthy immune system."
Another knitter says, "I'm taking folic acid to help my baby's brain."
Finally, one woman says, "I'm taking Thalidomide!"
All the women turn to her and say, "Thalidomide! Don't you know your baby could be born without arms?"
The woman shrugs her shoulders and says, "I don't know how to knit arms."
Did you know ghosts are alcoholics?
They only come out for the boos.
I walked into the party and the host asked me if I would like a slice of pie.
I responded "yes," and he said: "okay, 14159."
[god creating alligators]
God: See that log?
Angel: Yes...?
God: Now fill it with teeth.
Angel: Say again?
God: FILL IT WITH TEETH!
If there is a divorce in West Virginia, are they still brother and sister?
My syndrome may be down, but my hopes are up.
Where do fish keep their money?
In a riverbank!
I said to my pregnant wife, "Push, darling, come on, push harder, dear!" No, she wasn't giving birth; the bloody car would not start.
How do you make a builder cry?
Kill his family.