Worst Jokes Ever

Yo mama's so stupid, when I told her that she lost her mind, she went looking for it.

When my dad left, he said he would bring back the milk, but 20 years later he only came with my new sister and eggs. And I confronted him, and he said, "I used all the milk to make your sister."

What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza?

Pizza won't cut itself.

I was reading the news and read that a kid killed his family, and when they interviewed him, he said he wanted to become Batman.

Little Johnny was in class and the teacher said, "Okay class, what's behind my back?" She said, "It's round and red," and Sally said, "Ooh, ooh, it's an apple!" And the teacher said, "No, but I like where you're going with this." So now the teacher said, "It is also used to make multiple things," and Sally said, "Ooh, ooh, it's a container of paint!" And the teacher said, "Again, no, but I like where you're going with this." And the teacher said, "It's a ball of yarn," as she pulled it out from behind her back. Then Little Johnny said, "Okay, my turn." He said, "What's in my pocket? It's round and it has a head." And the teacher said, "That's enough, Johnny, now sit down." And Little Johnny pulled the thing out of his pocket and said, "It's a nickel, but I like where you're going with this."

Yo mama so fat, she uses the equator as her belt.

What's the difference between an ugly monster and you?

Nothing.

What do women and chess have in common? When you sacrifice the females and replace them, you are more likely to win.

What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Princess Diana?

Tiger Woods had a good driver.

As a murderer, I stabbed a man after infiltrating his house. His wife came in and saw me. She fell into tears. I got up and said, "Drama queen!"

Why do they call my dick section 8?

Because all the hoes are on it.

Give a man a match, he'll be warm for hours.

Light the man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

My girlfriend told me she used to be a Christian. I asked her why she isn't anymore and she said she liked the name Christina better.

Your hairline is so far away that even the Hubble Telescope can't see it.

I took my girlfriend to a Chinese restaurant. One hour after ordering, I went to ask the chef what was going on. That was until I heard barking from the kitchen.

How many feminists does it take to fix a lightbulb?

9: one to screw the lightbulb, one to film it, one to post about it on a women empowerment social media page, one to complain that the man didn’t screw the lightbulb, one to say that women deserve to screw more lightbulbs, one to try to get #womenlightbulbscrewers trending on Twitter, one to bring a man and show him the screwing, one to say that women are better than men at screwing lightbulbs, and one to make a speech about the lightbulb.

What did the titanic say as it was sinking?

I nominate all the passengers to the ice bucket challenge.

They say give a man an inch, he'll take a mile. What about women? They don't have dicks.

What's the quickest way to go to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.

A friend called me a while back saying, "I have COVID.... I can't breathe, I really have a hard time breathing."

I reply saying, "Dude, you need to work on your George Floyd jokes."