Worst Jokes Ever

Bully: I'm going to hurt you so bad.

You: Well... your IQ is the same amount of teeth I'm about to knock out, so... you're so dumb that you can't even do that.

And your IQ is 5.

Kobe ended so many games with threes. Now he ends his life with trees.

Friend 1: What's your favorite drink or food?

Friend 2: Pizza.

Friend 3: Donuts.

Friend 4: I don't eat food but I do drink bleach.

Friend 1: (calling the suicide hotline)

Friend 2: (Calling the parents)

A lady weightlifter goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I have a confession." The doctor asks, "What is that?" She replies, "I've been using steroids and....I think I've grown a penis." The doctor looks at her and asks, "Anabolic?" There's an awkward silence then she replies, "No, just a penis."

Where did Janet go during the bombing? Everywhere.

You're probably getting tired of these gravity jokes... but I keep falling for them every time.

What's a skeleton's favorite food?

Spare ribs.

I'm a big fan of white boards. I find them... Remarkable.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of concrete under his arm and says, "A beer please! and one for the road!"

I didn't like having long nails, but they're growing on me.

What kind of fish comes out at night?

A starfish.

What's the best thing about a blowjob?

- The silence.

Roses are red. The sun isn't shining. My mental state is rapidly declining.

I was both shocked and amazed to hear Stephen Hawking kicked the bucket.

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

As many as you like. They can’t change anything.

So a woman was paranoid, so she had a dog to check to see if anything was wrong. She would always stick her hand under the bed, and if the dog licked her hand, then she was safe. One night, just before bed, she stuck her hand under the bed. She felt a lick, so she went to bed. In the middle of the night, she needed to go to the bathroom. So, she walked into the bathroom, and on the window, it said: "HUMANS CAN LICK TOO!" Then she was murdered.

One day, an orphan bought a boomerang. He threw it, and it didn’t come back.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

because they'll never make it home.

What's the hardest thing about being a pedophile?

Just trying to fit in.

Yo mama so stupid, she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.