Worst Jokes Ever
John: Hi, boss, it is raining heavily today, so I will not be coming.
Boss: You stated in your job application that swimming was your hobby, so see you at 11 AM.
Bin Laden promised 76 virgins to Al-Qaeda.
Instead, there was one 76-year-old virgin.
Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!
A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.
What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.
What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.
What do you call a woman with three boobs? Tres leches.
What’d the fox say when he was asked to describe his wife?
“Hottie hottie hottie hoe!”
My old platoon sergeant always told me the hardest thing when walking through a field of dead babies was... his cock.
Chuck Norris doesn't get sun burns. The sun knows better.
What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?
They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
Two girls have a sleepover.
Karen: Let's go to bed.
Lauren: Fine, but it's early.
*Karen wakes up and exits room*
*Lauren hears noise*
Mikey: You're so much better than my girlfriend, Karen.
Lauren: *laughs*
Lauren: *remembers her boyfriend is Karen's brother, Mikey*
This one kid I knew had Down syndrome, and he turned a mirror upside down trying to get rid of it.
Why can’t pedophiles ever win races? Because they are always coming in a little behind.
What do you call the girl with no arms and no legs?
Names.
Why did the feminist kill herself?
Because she was TRIGGERED.
Man: I got fired from my job at the calendar factory.
Lady: What did you do?
Man: I took a day off...
A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."
I hate snow. It's white and on my land.
So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child.
Soon, a feathered creature comes out. "Doctor," says Satan, "What is it?"
The doctor sighs. "Well, it's not a boy, and it's not a girl."
Satan looks frustrated. "THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?"
The doctor looks up. "It's a goose."
I tried writing with a dull pencil the other day, but there was no point.
I met a rock the other day. He was a very gneiss guy.
I'm not gay, but fifty dollars is fifty dollars.