Worst Jokes Ever
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. -- I'm doing well, but I do get cannelloni.
Why is the B so cool? Because it’s in between A and C.
My friend asked me how fast my humor was, and I said it jumps borders. Then he asked how dark my humor is, and I said it picks cotton.
At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become.
On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again.
“Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.
How do you know a hippie is on her period?
Her socks are missing.
How do you know she's off?
Her socks are tye-dye.
I found Nemo.
He was tasty.
I slept like a log last night... woke up in the fireplace.
What's the only thing Mexicans can unwrap on Christmas? Tamales.
Yo mama so old the carpenter uses her crotch as sandpaper.
Crucifixion was the first T-pose.
What were Stephen's last words? “Battery low.”
What do you call a broken pencil? Never mind, it's pointless!
What do you call a skunk falling from the sky?
A stink bomb!
Christmas special
Me: Can you describe Mrs. Claus in 3 words? Santa: Ho ho ho.
Bad cows, bad cows, whatcha gonna moo?!
Girlfriends are just like AK47s; they always go off on you.
What do you call a bear without an ear?
B.
A mouse is just like a ball bearing.
Drench them in oil, and they stop squeaking.
Why did the vegetable cross the road? He didn't, he just sat there.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but there will always be something that offends feminists.