Worst Jokes Ever
What feature does an orphan's phone not have?
A home button.
What's black and white?
History.
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. But if I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
What did the paintings name their daughter?
Palette.
Did you hear the scores of the African basketball game?
It was Eight-Nothing.
How did the blind Catholic get in a car crash? He asked Jesus to take the wheel.
"Twins sitting in class."
Me: Casually throws a paper plane at them.
I'm so excited for Christmas Pudding... Pudding these nuts in your mouth.
What is a gay person’s favorite book?
The dictionary.
What do emo kids and Hitler have in common?
There's gonna be more brains on the wall when they lose something.
My ex still misses me... But her aim is getting better every time!
What do astronauts eat off of? A satellite dish.
My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology.
I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
My mom said to take out the trash bags, so I did. And the next day, my mom asked, "Where are your sisters?" I said, "In line to get crushed."
How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.
What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?
"This is a stand-up."
Who are the fastest readers in the world? The 9/11 terrorists went through like 78 stories in 7 seconds.
A hot dog and a banana had a race. Who won?
The wiener.
Who is Santa's favorite singer?
Elf-is Presley!