Worst Jokes Ever
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air, and men with spears are there.
One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So, what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."
The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."
The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."
And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."
The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the Queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, “MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS!”
What's the difference between drugs and children? I don't sell drugs.
What do you call a basement full of SJW's?
A whine cellar.
Where do math teachers go on vacation? Times Square.
What starts with "E" and ends with "G"?
Everything.
So Stephen Hawking walks into a bar.
I’m just kidding.
Women suck (GET IT?!)
Q. What's the most musical bone?
A. The trom-bone!
When his dick is really, really small, but you pretend it is so big it hurts so you don’t make him feel bad 'cause he is a nice guy.
Q: How can you tell if a vampire is sick?
A: By how much he's coffin.
What did the big flower say to the little flower?
Hi, Bud!
Why can't a steam locomotive sit down?
Because it has a tender behind.
Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing."
The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this, the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady replied, "Well, when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first." The second lady, not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be outdone, took off her pants and panties. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, they always search for the black box first."
Those rape alarms give you a headache, don't they?
Why don’t you see gay orphans at a daycare?
They have no one to call "daddy."
Why do nuns not wear bras?
God supports everything.
What's the difference between WW2 kamikaze planes and 9/11?
One of the missions succeeded.
- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.
- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.
- Oh...that might actually be even easier.
School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"
Orphan: "My family never came back for me."
School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."
My battery lasted longer than your sad, depressing life.