Worst Jokes Ever
I like my women how I like my scotch: 11 years old and mixed with Coke.
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday, which sucks because I wanted her to flow further down.
One time my dad was an orphan, so I questioned where he learned to parent.
Sophia matched with a midget on Tinder.
Midget: Hey! What’s up?
Sophia: Well technically everything is, from your perspective!
How do you know it’s a gay guy’s birthday?
Depends how hard they blow out the candles.
Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing."
The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this, the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady replied, "Well, when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first." The second lady, not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be outdone, took off her pants and panties. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, they always search for the black box first."
What do you do when a woman is choking?
Back up a couple inches.
I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.
I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"
She said, "He was a little tardy."
I replied to her, "I thought they all were."
I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...
... the first two being politics and religion.
Why are Black people getting stronger?
Because the TVs are getting bigger.
Yo mama so ugly, when I put her next to a naked mole rat, it said "bluetooth connected."
How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?
Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.
What do orphans call family pictures?
A selfie.
They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.
The trip from your eyebrow to your hairline costs $6000.
For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?
Your hairline is so far back it was friends with the dinosaurs!
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.
What did the plane say to the tower?
"Give me a kiss."
Apple made a new product for Chinese people called the iOpener.