I wish my grass were emo, so it would cut itself.
Worst Jokes Ever
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
You can't use a pitchfork to get the bowling ball out of the truck.
What type of teacher doesn't fart in public?
A private tutor/tooter.
What did the lady say to Michael Jackson on the beach?
"Excuse me sir, but you're in my sun."
What do volcanoes and suicide bombers have in common?
They both erupt when triggered.
What would be a good job for a fat person? A four-chin teller!
Why do most orphans become prostitutes?...
'Cause they need to find someone to call DADDY.
Your mama's so fat, when she jumps in the pool, the water jumps out!
Q. Why were the Twin Towers so mad?
A. Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, but they only got plane.
Why did the orphan play GTA? Because he wanted to feel the wanted level.
Are you the voices I've been hearing?
Because I can't seem to get you out of my head. (Schizophrenic RIZZ)
You're so ugly, you made Hello Kitty say, "Goodbye."
What is a pup's favorite pizza?
Pupperoni
So the man asks me, "Jesus, how do you want your steak?"
So I said, "Well done, my good faithful servant, well done."
What do you call a sad coffee?
Despresso.
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"
I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."
Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?
To make up her mind.
I was watching a "don't laugh" video, and an erection joke almost made me laugh.
It really gave me a hard time indeed.
Do you know what the "W" in Africa stands for? Water!
What makes a child an orphan?
Their parents left them for good. :D
