Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them.
Worst Jokes Ever
What's the difference between sex and mental illness?
Most of Reddit has experienced mental illness.
How do you describe a redhead with bad teeth?
Gingervitus.
How do you restrain a straight person? Give them a straight jacket.
How do you restrain a trans person? Make the trans vest tight.
Who did the cow want to hang with?
The udders.
Q: What do you call a group of transgender women?
A: The X-Men.
Yo mama's so dumb, she waited until the stop sign turned blue.
Yo mama's so fat, when she got pregnant, she fell to the earth's core.
I flew a paper airplane and I rate it 9/11.
What did the planes say when they were smashing or passing the Twin Towers?
Smash.
(Get it?) 9/11.
Why were the Twin Towers mad?
Because they bought a pepperoni pizza, but they got plane.
Why was Mrs. Claus upset?
Because Santa only comes once a year.
What did the cow say?
Moo!
I'm actually against abortion.
Just go to the car wash and tell 'em you ate too much red pasta!
I asked a black man on the street if a white person paints their face black, it’s considered racist, but if a black person paints their face white, will the cops treat them better?
My wife said I didn’t listen to a single thing she says.
What a weird way to start a conversation!
Why is there air conditioning in hospitals?
To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.
What is the best game for a deaf person?
Charades.
What does a woman and a hurricane have in common?
They’re nice and wet at first, but in the end they take everything.
Do you know what the secret is to have a smoking, hot body as a senior citizen?
Cremation.
School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"
Orphan: "My family never came back for me."
School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."
