Worst Jokes Ever
Someone at school judged my grammar.
I judged theirs by the terms "school" and "rifle range" being mixed up the next day.
I wasn’t understanding what I had to do for homework, so my teacher said, “Let me break it down for you like the Twin Towers.”
Q: What's the hardest thing about losing your virginity?
A: Making sure she doesn't wake up.
Why did the toilet roll roll down the hill? To get to the bottom!
What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg?
Eileen.
Yo mama so fat, she wears Orion's belt!
My sister argued with me that you can't make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!
Many years of sex in the dark.
The wife finds out he was using a dildo. The wife gets angry and says, "Explain the dildo, prick!"
The husband says, "Explain the children, bitch!"
What's the hardest part of riding a scooter?
Telling your parents you are gay.
What does a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
They can both smell it, but they can’t eat it.
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite food? Microchips.
It's funny that everyone is depressed, like, I mean:
Bullys are depressed.
Nerds are depressed.
Bad girls/boys are depressed.
Kind humans are depressed.
"'There is no God.' - Stephen Hawking (2011)
'There is no Stephen Hawking.' - God (2018)"
My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me.
The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment.
With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.
Your forehead is so big that it made Mona Lisa smile.
When Stephen Hawking was feeling hungry, he used to call in to his local PC World for a megabyte and some microchips.
You'll end up DEAD if you don't stop COFFIN!!!
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
What does a cow watch?
MooTube.
Why was 6 afraid to go camping with 7?
Because 7 wanted to bring two knives for survival, but 6 secretly knew that 7 hated him, and didn’t have benign intentions.
Read this out loud to yourself and it’ll make sense. ;)