Worst Jokes Ever
What objects have the most gravitational force?
A Lambo and a gold digger.
What's a similarity between The Ark of the Covenant, The Holy Grail and a bunch of 12 year olds?
They are all locked in the Priest's basement.
What does a kid and wine have in common?
Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.
God said, "Let there be light." Chuck Norris said, "You have to say please first."
Jesus Christ said my faith can move mountains, so Mohammed said my faith can move skyscrapers.
I heard a joke about candy bars, but it wasn't very funny, so I just snickered.
A blonde, redhead, and brunette are all sitting in a hospital's waiting room for ultrasounds.
After a while, the brunette giggles while rubbing her belly. Both the blonde and redhead look over at her and ask, "What's with the giggling?"
The brunette replies, "I'm having a boy!"
The blonde and the redhead ask, "How do you know?"
"Because he was on top!" The brunette replies again.
The three go back to conversing, and then the redhead starts to giggle while rubbing her belly.
"What's with the giggling?" The blonde and brunette ask.
"I'm having a girl!" The redhead replies.
"Well, how do you know?" The blonde and brunette ask again.
"I was on top!"
All of a sudden, the blonde bursts into tears.
"Oh, honey! What's wrong?" The redhead and brunette ask.
"I'm having puppies!"
I will always remember my grandpa's last words. "Shit, the ladder is falling!"
An Asian man goes to the eye doctor.
The doctor says, "It looks like you have a cataract."
The Asian guy says, "No Doc, I drive a Rincoln."
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
I think Paul Walker and 9/11 jokes are great, but when I tell them to others, they tend to crash and burn.
What is more dangerous than Russian gangs?
Russian malls.
What's the difference between a gay guy and a microwave?
The microwave doesn't brown the meat.
Nurse: Don't worry, I'm great with babies. Parents: You are? Nurse: Yeah, I always abort them. Parent:... Parent: You're hired.
"What do you call a deer with no eyes?" -- "No-eye-deer."
I am the Lorax. I speak for trees. I have the high ground, and I will cut off your knees.
I'm at my happiest point in life. I'm dating someone that's autistic, and I was just saying I needed someone special in my life.
I ate too many temmie flakes... I guess I got a TEMMIE ACHE!!!!
Why shouldn't you buy Russian underpants?
Because Chernobyl fallout.
Why is North Korea so good at Geometry?
Because they have a supreme ruler.