Worst Jokes Ever
Why does 9/11 only get a day, but Pride gets an entire month?
Because pride is a bigger tragedy.
What does a house wear?
A dress.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
What do lesbians cook for dinner?
They don't, they just eat out.
Why was JFK stupid? He only had half a brain.
Once there was a girl named Sally! She had no arms or legs, was mute, deaf, and blind.
Knock knock Who’s there? Not Sally.
James Woods, starring in the newest movie: "September 11, two thousand fun."
What do you call a cow that was hit by an anvil? A flat iron steak.
Me: Your ugly...
Person: I'm not your mirror...
Me: I never told you to be my mirror :p
These three men wanted to start a band. One had the idea to call them the Rolling Stones, one wanted to call them the Veggies, the other said, "Let's be the Cripples," as they all rolled away.
Why did Steven Hawking only tell one-liners?
Because he couldn't do standup.
What's red and really bad for your teeth? A brick.
What is the difference between Bin Laden and Santa? One stops at the top of the skyscraper.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Apaches.
Apaches who?
Apaches on your eye.
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine. But why did seven eat nine? Because seven knew you had to have three squared meals a day.
What do you do when you finish a magazine at the hospital?
Reload and keep shooting.
My mother was so sad after my grandpa's death, she went into the bathroom with my uncle, and I could hear their moans of sorrow. She then surprised me later on, saying that she was pregnant.
Jon said: What do you call a pregnant woman?
Mike said: I don’t know, what?
Jon said: Kinder surprise.
How did Harry Potter get down the hill?
Running, JK rolling!
When do astronauts eat?
At launch time!