Worst Jokes Ever

I can’t hang out with an emo when they are sad? Why? Because it cuts deeply.

Digging stuff up is too hard.

I guess necrophilia isn’t for everybody.

What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? The rabbi cuts it off, and the priest sucks it off.

Girl: "Come over."

Orphan: "I can't."

Girl: "My parents aren't home ;)"

Orphan: "Just two things I don't have."

What do you call an angry Texan?

A Confederate leader.

I wonder if the Titanic still sells fish?

So, there was a kid named Bobby, and he was writing notes. He asked his mother, who was on a phone call, "what is one plus one?" She said, "I HATE YOU." Then he asked his brother what is 2 + 2, who was watching a Batman movie, said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" Then he asked his dad what is 4 plus 4, who was playing football, said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he asked his sister 8+8, (she was playing with barbies), and she said, "My buns are burning." Then he went to school and told her teacher the first note he wrote down. The teacher sent him to the principal’s office. The principal yelled, "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" Bobby said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" The principal yelled, "HOW MANY SPANKINGS DO YOU WANT?!" Then he said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he walked away from the principal’s office and said, "my buns are burning."

My grandfather says I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

What did the Mexican man say when his house fell on him?

"Get off me homes."

According to statistics, 5 of 6 people enjoy gang rape.

I stayed up all night trying to follow the sun... Then it dawned on me.

Man: "Is your body from McDonald's?"

Woman: "Why, because you're loving it?"

Man: "No, because it's fat and greasy."

Hey God, what are you making?

Just a wooden stick that lights on fire.

Sounds like a match made in heaven.

I walked into a room full of men masturbating. They all looked shocked when I didn't stop.

What did the soldier say when he sees a terrorist in a wheelchair?

RC-XD incoming.

Why didn't Sally get home from work?

She got hit by a bus.

What was the Roman Empire cut in half by?

A pair of Caesars.

Why do they bury Germans 20 feet down when they die, instead of the usual 6 feet? Because deep down, Germans are ok.

There's three kids: Little Drop, Little Feather, and Little Brick. Little Feather goes, "Mommy, why do you call me L'feather?" She answers, "Cuz a little feather fell over your head when you were born." L'Drop asks his mom, "Mommy, why do you call me L'drop?" She answers, "Cuz a little drop fell on your head when you were born." L'brick goes, "aafddkcasgbklcdahjkcbgtnhrfn."

A kid asks his mom, "Mom, how much do you love me?" The mother responds with, "I love you as much as I love your brother." The kid looks confused and says, "But I don't have a brother." The mother smiles and says, "Well, I guess my love is not existing."