Worst Jokes Ever

Why did the lemon 🍋 go to the doctor 👩‍⚕️?

Because he had a sour stomach.

Why did Adele cross the road?

To say hello on the other side.

I feel bad for shopping carts. They're always being pushed around.

Did you hear the joke about the butter?

What is it?

I can’t tell you, you’ll spread it.

What's the difference between an escaped prisoner and an orphan?

Only one is wanted.

When you feel lonely, just watch a scary movie.

You won't feel lonely anymore :(

I wasn't planning on going on a run, but those cops showed up out of nowhere.

What is six inches, has nuts, and is hard?

A sinkers bar.

Why are Egyptian gods orphans?

Because Egypt needs to sell Anubis (a new bus) every year to make a prophet.

Poor Bubba got burnt up so bad in a house fire that the coroner needed someone to identify the body. So Bubba's two best friends (the three were inseparable) agreed. The first friend said, "Hard to tell, can you turn him over?" The coroner looked perplexed but did so. "Nope, that's not Bubba." The second friend said, "He's burnt up pretty bad, can you roll him over again?" The coroner didn't understand but rolled him over anyway. "Nope, that's not him." Pretty confused, the coroner asked, "How can you tell it's not him by rolling him over?" "Well, you see, Bubba had two assholes." "Impossible," the coroner replied. The friends said, "I don't know, but every time we went to town, everyone would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'"

I'm not saying you're inbred. I'm just saying you're a textbook example of why consanguineous marriage might not be the best idea.

Mom: Are you seriously gonna die?

Me: No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing I'll do.

Teacher: If you keep talking over me, I'll call your parents!

Orphan: You will?

When the school shooter pulls the fire alarm, and the autistic kid thinks it’s a rave party.

Teacher: Where were you born?

Student: The highway.

Teacher: What do you mean?

Student: I don't know, my mom says that's where all the accidents happen.

A scarecrow got promoted because he was outstanding in his field.

I will always remember my grandfather's last words: "I'll just check if it's poisonous."

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Are you kidding? Feminists can’t change anything.

I am right 95 percent of the time, who cares about that other 5 percent?

What's the difference between my dad and the milk man? The milk man comes back with the goddamn milk.