Worst Jokes Ever
When Stephen Hawking found out about physics, he was speechless.
I was hit on by President Kennedy, too bad I shot him down.
Why is the sea salty?
Because the land never waves back.
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
When I was born the doctors said, "it's a boy!" Then when they went to cut the umbilical cord, they cut the wrong thing. Then they said, "Oh, it's a girl."
What place can you always find suicidal cows at?
"McDonald's."
If tomatoes are a fruit, does that mean ketchup is a smoothie?
Two cows standing in a paddock, one says, "Moo." The other turns to him and says, "I was just going to say that!"
Your adopted.
Once, there was a couple about to have sex. "I have something to confess," said the shy wife. The husband then said, "Whatever it is, I will still love." The wife then said, "Honey, I'm flat chested." The husband said, "It's okay, I'm a baby down there anyways." He then pulled down his pants and began to have sex.
The next day, the wife said, "I thought you were a baby down there." The husband then said, "I am; 22 inches and 7 pounds."
What's better than winning gold at the Paralympics?
Not being retarded.
What does a Mexican Highlander say?
"There can be only Juan!"
What does one math book say to the other? -- "Don't bother me. I've got my own problems!"
An apple a day can do so much more than keep the doctor away... it can keep ANYONE away.
if you throw it hard enough.
What do you call a 3-sum with a girl with AIDS?
Nut in the butt.
Say what you will of pedophiles, but you can't ignore their problem with immature ejaculation.
You wanna know who didn't kick the bucket? Stephen Hawking didn't; nor did he bite the dust.
Why did the bank robber shoot the man with no arms?
Because he told the man to put his hands up.
What did the Indian boy say to his mother as he left for school? -- "Mumbai!"
What's worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies. What's worse than that? The one on the bottom is alive. And what's worst than that is, the baby has to eat its way out.