Worst Jokes Ever

What do you call a 5-year-old with no friends?

A Sandy Hook survivor.

4, 6, 8, and 9 have all been killed. 2, 3, 5, 7, and 11 are the prime suspects.

When I was born the doctors said, "it's a boy!" Then when they went to cut the umbilical cord, they cut the wrong thing. Then they said, "Oh, it's a girl."

Roses are red, grass is greener. When I think of you, I play with my wiener.

So I got asked why I suddenly started wearing a beret, and I said, "Well, you never know when you need to pick a lock."

What's the best thing about abuse jokes? The punchline.

You're so short, when you were born, the doctor couldn't tell if you were a boy, a girl, or a Jimmy Dean pork sausage.

I was hit on by President Kennedy, too bad I shot him down.

People with Down syndrome have a specific skill only they have; they can give a blow job and talk to you while sounding exactly the same.

What is a Mexican's favorite sport?

Cross country.

I walked into a room full of men masturbating. They all looked shocked when I didn't stop.

I went to the zoo the other day. The only animal there was a dog. It was a Shih-tzu (shit zoo).

My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers.

To be honest, I should have seen the signs.

Don't you just want to go on a mass murder while listening to goodbye Moonman? Oh, just me... OK.

What did the priest say to the other in the orphanage?

"Let us prey together."

Two gay guys, two lesbians, and two pedophiles have a race.

What is the order of finish?

1. Lesbians. Doing 69 the whole way.

2. Pedophiles. Coming in a little behind.

3. Gay guys. Still packing their shit.

Why aren't koalas actual bears?

Because they don't meet the koalafications.

Birthdays are weird. We celebrate being one year closer to dying. And we celebrate it with friends and family, which is totally not how we'll die.

We're all gonna die alone, not surrounded by friends and family.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and have some fun.

Silly Jill forgot the pill, and now they have a son.

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."