Worst Jokes Ever

I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard, she turned Christian.

you.

Q: How can you tell that a pedophile likes music?

A: He rapes D minor.

Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?

Me: I used to work at the World Trade Center, before the plane hit.

Doctor: A lot of people fell to pieces after that.

A brunette, a red-head, and a blonde are being chased by bandits. They are chased to the edge of a cliff and a genie appears.

"I will help you escape," says the genie, "say what you wish to turn into, and you will become that thing."

The brunette jumps off the cliff and says "Hawk." She turns into a hawk and flies away. The red-head says "Falcon." She turns into a falcon and flies away. Now the blonde is alone and the bandits are getting closer. She makes her decision and backs up, then runs toward the cliff. And...she trips and says "Crap."

The End

Why did God make men?

Because you can't teach a vibrator how to mow the lawn...

Location is in London by the way.

One day a fatass came home and told his friend that he lost money.

His friend: "Oh for once you lost some pounds!"

A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" After that he joined the Army and learned to say, "Yes sir!" After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, "Goody-goody gumdrops!"

A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows:

Policeman: "Who killed the man?" Foreign man: "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" Policeman: "Did you kill the man?" Foreign man: "Yes sir!" Policeman: "What did you use to kill him?" Foreign man: "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" Policeman: "You're under arrest." Foreign man: "Goody-goody gumdrops!"

My conversion therapy done worked. Now I only sleep with my sister and not my brother.

What’s the difference between people and chocolate? I can still buy dark chocolate.

When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat children into the fire.

A blind man walks into a bar... and a table... and a chair... and the counter.

A wise man once said, "don't think young, think tight." He was a priest.

I read a book on anti-gravity...

It was impossible to put down.

What did the little boy say to the fat man?

How many Japs did you get?

What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Stop and apply lubrication.

If Italy attacked France from the rear, would Greece help?

Jesus could walk on water, and Chuck Norris can swim through land.

Surely people would consider putting pedals on wheelchairs so that their arms don't get tired.

What do you call a private nun?

Nun-o-yo-business.