Worst Jokes Ever
What's the best part about a dead hooker? The second hour is free!
Me and my stepmom went into the forest.
I think I hid the body pretty well, but now I have to hide the gun.
My sister asked me what is dark humor. I asked what does a cannibal call a pregnant woman? "Kinder Surprise!"
What do you call a cow that's beating his meat? Beef stroganoff!
So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co-pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot.
Then the pilot said he was dying for a blowjob and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted "Next time don't forget the coffee!"
Get up, you lazybones!
"DΓ©jΓ moo": The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You follow the Fresh prints.
Have you ever walked past Steven Hawking's house?
No, neither has he.
Why was the astronaut washing her hands?
She was getting ready to eat launch.
Is Stephen Hawking under warranty? If so, can I bring him back to Currys PC World?
Whatβs the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression fucks you harder.
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that, as a punishment, she won't eat butter for 1 month.
Today I saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her "nice try".
What sort of file turns a one inch hole into a two inch hole?
A pedophile.
My grandma refused to be an organ donor. She was buried with all her musical instruments.
Stage 4 cancer is like a woman. You canβt beat it, but if you do, sheβll probably come back again.
I heard the man who invented Autocorrect died; may he rest in peace.
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he canβt do stand-up.
What is Stephen Hawking best at in basketball?
dribbling.
What is the worst thing you can find out about a woman on a first date?
She claims to have been raped. Then, you know to get as far away from her as possible because she's probably a feminazi bitch.