Worst Jokes Ever
My girlfriend's last words:
"I can’t wait to become a mom!"
What's the difference between a prostitute and a daredevil?
One has cunning stunts, whilst the other has a stunning...
Don't worry, Stephen Hawking isn't dead.
They have just got to copy and paste his memory onto a USB.
Why is rape worse than death?
Because dead people get way more attention.
How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her? They handed her a basketball and told her to “read this book”.
I wanted to see if she was anorexic, so I threw a Funyun at her to see if she'd use it as a hula hoop or inhale it.
My little sister called my name a few minutes after I put her to bed. She told me that there was something in her closet. I checked the closet and told her there was nothing there, but told her she could still sleep in my room with me. I was thinking that was the best way to get her out of the room before he noticed I saw him.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
How did the necrophiliac get caught?
Some rotten cunt split on him....
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
A new game the whole family can play...
Incest.
I know a woman who owns a taser. -- She's stunning!
I like my lovers like I like my whiskey, 12 years old and mixed up with coke.
What's the hardest part when making skimmed milk?
Throwing the cow across the lake.
Chuck Norris uses elevators only in case of fire.
God: Ok, so I created adults. And I created how they are supposed to look from being born to preteen.
Satan: (slides in) I’ll take over for you, pops.
God: I dunno... this is very delicate work. Just one wrong thing can ruin the system.
Satan: Don’t worry your beard off! (Pats his back) I’ll just do the ages from 12 to 18!
God: Hmm... I’m still not- (Gets a call on his phone) Shoot, I got to take this. (Answers call) Don’t touch anything, Lucifer! (Walks away)
Satan:.......(just touches lightly, and alarms start blaring. He squeaks and runs away)
God: (rushes in) WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?!
God: (tries fixing problems. Only gets alarms off) Fuck me........
God:....(sighs) Fine, it’ll stay. We’ll just call it....puberty.
Q: How come in airports, they park the planes outside?
A: They don't belong in buildings.
How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the jaw.
Having an abortion will make you so tired... it literally sucks the life out of you.
My boyfriend came over today and stole my milk. How dairy!