Worst Jokes Ever
Old man goes to the doctor.
The doctor says, "The test results are back, and I'm sad to say you have cancer and Alzheimer's."
The old man says, "Phew! At least it's not cancer!"
*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."
Person 2: "Probably Bullets."
Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"
Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."
Person 1: "...."
Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."
Yo mama is so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.
There's a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run.
How do we know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
Because they found her head and shoulders in the glovebox.
Why can't dinosaurs clap? Because they're dead.
What's the difference between my phone and my sister?
I actually give a damn if my phone dies.
I can’t stand disabled jokes...
Neither can they 😂
On a hot summer's day, a famous celebrity tweeted, "It is a beautiful day, and I'm deciding which kid to have fun with today." To which the local priest replied, "I too am deciding which of your kids to have fun with today."
Yo mama so dumb, she sold her car for gas money.
Yo mama so poor the ducks throw bread at her.
What do you get when you insert human DNA into a goat? Banned from the petting zoo!
How did Stephen Hawking die?
They unplugged the wifi.
What has more letters than the alphabet? -- The post office.
Why can't an orphan go to McDonald's? There's no point in the words "happy meal."
yo mama so fat she went swimming with the whales and sang "weeeeeee areeeee fammmilllyyyyy!!!!!!!"
So, Duracell batteries do run out.
So, this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well, the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road, he starts speeding. Eventually, he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, "Is my wife okay? She was carrying my child." The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes, "APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage."
What do you think is going through kids' heads during school shootings? Bullets.
What would you find on a haunted beach?
A sand-witch!
"Hey guys, I'm a new jokester, remember my name as I'll be making a lot more!!! P.S. They will be much better than this one!"
The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.