Worst Jokes Ever
Hey, wanna hear an abortion joke? Never mind, I can't deliver it.
What do ambulances and gay men have in common? They both take it in the back and go whoop whoop! :D
I used to work at a calendar factory, but I got fired because I missed a few days.
What happens when a clock is hungry?
It goes back four seconds.
Why can't humans hear a dog whistle? -- Because dogs can't whistle.
A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street, and they come to a kid playing in a sandbox. The priest says, "Hey, you wanna go screw that kid?"
To which the rabbi replies, "Out of what?"
No matter how much I love cake...
I would never dessert you.
Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex.
They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.
Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bartender here?"
You want some dead batteries? They're free of charge.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on juan.
What is 6 inches long and makes women scream? Stillbirth...
A retard won a break-dancing competition. All he did was go to get a drink.
Why hasn't my dad come back? No seriously, I'm not joking.
Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, "Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site."
Who goes to a comedian show and gets offended?
A feminist.
What did Freddie Mercury use to improve his hearing?
Hearing AIDS.
A husband walks into his house to find his wife watching Gordon Ramsay's F-king cooking show!
Husband: "Stop watching that f-king sh*t! You can't cook to save your life!"
Wife: "So what?! You watch porn, don't you?!"
Friends are like trees, they fall over if you hit them with an ax.
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you've told her twice.