Worst Jokes Ever
Have you walked into Stephen Hawking's house?
Oh, neither did he.
Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
Why didn't anyone react when the king farted? -- It was a noble gas.
Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is.
A pedophile was holding a bag of chocolates and then approached a little girl at the park.
"Hey little girl! If you give me a teeny-tiny kissy-kiss on the tip of my wee-wee, I'll give you a piece of my chocolate!"
The little girl replies, "If I suck your whole cock, can I have the whole bag?"
I made a 3D game about a depressed, self-harming goth. It's mostly unskippable cutscenes.
Why don't black people go on cruises? They're not falling for that one again.
There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. Orphanages are really fun to work at.
When Santa asks you what you want for Christmas, then says "ho ho ho," say, "Yes, please."
Death once had a near Chuck experience.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.
A depressed guy walks into a bar and says, "Can I get shot?"
The bartender then says, "You mean, can you get a shot, right?"
The bartender then says, "Well... what drink would you like?"
The depressed guy then responds with, "No, I really want to get shot."
I was beefing with a dude in a wheelchair, so I took his wheelchair and threw it across the street and told him, "Walk it off, you will be fine."
Customer: "Can I get this in a smaller size and a different color?"
Employee: "Ma'am, this is an adoption agency, you can't do that here!"
We all know that Lincoln and Kennedy are the most open-minded presidents in the world.
Pickup lines in 2022 are like: "Are you Russia? Because your bombs are so big!"
I either want to hang, stab, or shoot myself. I'm dying to choose.
Don't pick flat chests because they will turn their backs on you twice.
What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, it's not coming anyways.
Yo mama is so fat, that when I unfollowed her on Instagram, my phone got 1 GB of storage.