Worst Jokes Ever
Jared from Subway. Remember kids, "tuna sub" backwards is what I'm going to do on your face.
A guy walks into a bar. He sees a hot girl. He walks up to her and says, "You're getting laid tonight." She replies, "What are you, some sort of psychic?" He says, "No, I'm just stronger than you."
What food does a cheetah eat?
Fast food.
How do skeletons have sex?
They bone each other.
What do you call a retard in a house fire?
Flame Retardant.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
My life.
My life who?
My life is depressing...
Three disabled guys (a blind man, an amputee, and a guy in a wheelchair) are flying back with the USA team from the Paralympic games in the Middle East when their plane crashes in the Sahara Desert. The three disabled guys (the only survivors) are now stranded and wait for someone to rescue them, but no one showed. They start to get real thirsty, so they decide to seek out water. The amputee leads the way, with the blind man pushing the guy in the wheelchair; and, eventually they find an oasis. The amputee leader goes into the water first, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he has a NEW LEG! He gets excited and encourages his friends to do the same.
The blind man offers to push the guy in the wheelchair, but he gets refused because the guy in the chair wants to be Mr. Independent and insists the blind man goes ahead first. So he goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he can SEE! Now the guy in the wheelchair's getting really excited, starts pushing with all his might, goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, and wheels out the other side. Lo and behold, NEW TIRES!!!
Two old people sitting on a bench. One turns to the other and says, "My butt fell asleep." The other says, "Yep, I heard it snore a couple of times."
Yo mama is so fat, she goes to the beach to sell shade.
I tried to catch fog, I mist...
Why does Hitler deserve heaven? Because he killed Hitler.
Decisions taken by world leaders often have great significance during a crisis.
The Americans, in particular, are suffering many losses during the current global pandemic. Remember, in the 1980's they had Ronald Reagan, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope.
In 2020 they have Donald Trump, no Cash, and no Hope!
Son: Mom, what is dark humor?
Mom: Son, do you see that man trying to tie his shoe with no hands?
Son: Mother, you know I'm blind and can't see!!
Mom: Exactly!
Yo mama so fat that when she crossed the road, people mistook her for a roundabout.
The bible says to love your neighbors as you love yourself.
So I treat everyone like garbage.
Bippity boppity, get the f*ck off my property.
What would Batman do if he wasn't rich?
He would be robin.
I heard a joke about heavy metal earlier. It was pretty ironic.
What did the blind man fight in the bar?
The coat rack.
what did the banana say to the banana?
"u look a-pealing"