Worst Jokes Ever
So there's this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says, "I've got an idea!", and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says, "What should their names be?"
The uncle replies, "Well for your daughter, Denise." "That's a nice name," comments the mother, "but what about my son?" The uncle simply replies, "Denephew".
What is a cow's favorite move? -- The sound of moooosic.
What is the similarity between a joke and food?
Some people just don't get them!
Trump is going too far.
He deported a printer because it didn't have papers.
Why do people want emo grass? Because it'll cut itself.
Sixty years ago, Stephen Hawking's teacher got fired for accidentally making an offensive joke. What was it? Go for your dreams, kids. Reach for the stars.
What's the best part about having sex with 28 year olds? There are 20 of them.
Why did Sally fall out of the swing?
She had no arms.
Why couldn’t she get up?
Because she had no friends.
What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest.
I decided to visit Saudi Arabia with my girlfriend.
She and I learned they celebrate Pride month by throwing stones.
Radiohead had to remake "Fake Plastic Trees" after encountering Carrie Underwood in real life for the first time.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you."
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome who plays basketball?
Dribble.
Why are gay people so bad at math? Because they can't multiply.
Why don't black people go on cruises? They're not falling for that one again.
How is sex like air? It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.
Friend: Did your tattoos hurt?
Me: Nah, not really.
Friend: What did they feel like?
Me: 7th grade.
Friend: 😶😶😨😰😰😰😨
If I were a history teacher, I’d make the two twins stand up and throw a paper airplane at them.
If I wanted to commit suicide, I would climb up to your ego, and then jump down to your IQ.
If you wanna really know how to get under my skin, give me a razor and maybe we'll talk ;)