Worst Jokes Ever
My friend asked me to describe myself in 3 words...
"Lazy."
A man walks into a bar and orders 3 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's got you down?"
The man says, "I just found out my niece is gay." The next day, he orders 4 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's got you down now?" The man says, "I just found out my son is gay."
The next day, he orders 6 shots of whiskey. The bartender says, "Got anybody who likes women?" The man says, "My wife does."
What do you call an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
Did you ever think that John F. Kennedy went for a ride in Dallas just to clear his head?
Neo-Confederates all claim to be about "heritage" not "hate". Well, if your heritage consists of Kelly Clarkson, riding on siblings, and treating Donald Trump as if he's the second coming, then it really sucks to be you.
How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?
You’re dead if the rubber breaks.
If rape was about power, then my electric bill would be a positive balance.
Once I went to watch a match in Portugal. It was between Penaldo and his kids. The referee was Georgiana (his wife). Mpaypal and Igayspeed were also there. The match began, and his kids scored two goals in the first 10 minutes. Then, when the match was about to end, Penaldo got angry and asked his wife for penalties. His wife declined, and he tortured and beat her up and took 10 penalties (missed 7 of them) but won 3-2. Shame on you, Penaldo! 😡😡😡
You're so ugly, when a pig saw you, it thought that you were their family member.
Got the George Floyd pack, this shit makin' it hard to breathe.
Me: I have lost it.
Random: Lost what?
Me: My will to live.
How do women make you a millionaire?
When you're a billionaire.
I was playing hangman, and I gave up on the word "LIFE".
I'm jealous of your heart because it's pumping in you and I'm not.
What did a cannibal have as his last meal?
Five guys.
A Mexican runs into a wall, what hits first?
His lawnmower.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? Yeah, he's all right now.
My favorite toast for parties:
May I be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows I'm dead.
What do you call a fish that smokes? "A puffer."
Q: Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
A: He only comes once a year.