Worst Jokes Ever
An apple a day keeps the doctor away... That is... if you throw it hard enough.
I was playing Mortal Kombat with my friend when he picked the fighter Pristiano Penaldo. I won and the voice didn't say "Finish him," so I couldn't do a fatality.
I was confused, but I understood that the game didn't let me finish him because he is already finished.
After long consideration, I've decided to get a zebra tattoo on my wrist. Not like anyone will notice the difference.
Why did the scientist want to take off his doorbell?
Because he wanted to win the no-bell prize.
Joe Biden's speeches are so motivational. In fact, I have been stuck at home these past few weeks, and his well articulated words were enough for me to muster up the courage to jump off of a 10 story building.
I ran over an emo yesterday? I wanted to let him see pitch black.
I threw a lamp at an emo? I tried to lighten up his day.
Roses are red, Violets are twisted, You bend over, You're about to get fisted.
Yo mama is so fat, that when I unfollowed her on Instagram, my phone got 1 GB of storage.
How do you help a depressed kid face their fears... You count to 3 and say jump?
What do lesbians do when they have a problem? They finger it out.
You are so ugly, Hello Kitty had to say bye-bye.
Fortnite is like America... At one time it was good and free. Now it's neither.
Why does Mexico not have an Olympic team? Because everyone who can run, jump, and swim is already in America.
Lost my virginity to a down syndrome the other day... only cause I wanted my first time to be special.
What’s the difference between a Ferrari and ten 6-year-olds?
I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
Why do feminists eat so much pussy?
To get the taste of dick out of their mouths.
Does it cycle now, you stupid bitches?
What's a skeleton's favorite plant? A bone-zai tree. But if they don't like that one, how about a s-pine tree?
Gary and Steve are having sex and the phone rings. Steve goes to answer the phone and tells Gary, "Hey, don't finish yourself until I get back." After returning from the other room, there is cum all over the bed and wall of the bedroom. "Jesus, Gary, I said not to finish yourself until I got back!" Gary turns to him and says, "I didn't, I farted."
A grandfather is on his rocking chair. His grandson comes to him and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds with a "no". His granddaughter then comes along and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds, "Why do you keep asking me to croak?" The granddaughter replies, "Because Dad says if you do, we get to go to Disneyland."
Girl: "How do you feel about abortion?"
Dad: "Ask your sister."
Girl: "I don't have a..."