Worst Jokes Ever

If I were a history teacher, I’d make the two twins stand up and throw a paper airplane at them.

How is sex like air? It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.

Why are gay people so bad at math? Because they can't multiply.

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you."

What do lesbians do when they have a problem? They finger it out.

Why did the scientist want to take off his doorbell?

Because he wanted to win the no-bell prize.

Radiohead had to remake "Fake Plastic Trees" after encountering Carrie Underwood in real life for the first time.

I ran over an emo yesterday? I wanted to let him see pitch black.

I threw a lamp at an emo? I tried to lighten up his day.

After long consideration, I've decided to get a zebra tattoo on my wrist. Not like anyone will notice the difference.

I was playing Mortal Kombat with my friend when he picked the fighter Pristiano Penaldo. I won and the voice didn't say "Finish him," so I couldn't do a fatality.

I was confused, but I understood that the game didn't let me finish him because he is already finished.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away... That is... if you throw it hard enough.

Joe Biden's speeches are so motivational. In fact, I have been stuck at home these past few weeks, and his well articulated words were enough for me to muster up the courage to jump off of a 10 story building.

Why can't dwarfs be depressed?

Because they are compressed.

Roses are red, Violets are twisted, You bend over, You're about to get fisted.

How do you help a depressed kid face their fears... You count to 3 and say jump?

You are so ugly, Hello Kitty had to say bye-bye.

A retard won a break-dancing competition. All he did was go to get a drink.

Why does Mexico not have an Olympic team? Because everyone who can run, jump, and swim is already in America.

What's the best part about having sex with 28 year olds? There are 20 of them.

What’s the difference between a Ferrari and ten 6-year-olds?

I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.