Worst Jokes Ever
Guys, my sister's pregnant!
I'm finally a dad!
What do you do when you see a sad orphan?
Nothing, let them wait for their parents.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Where you left it.
What's a school shooter's favorite anime?
Assassination Classroom.
What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.
A guy is at home and he's about to go get a physical at the doctor's office. When he gets there, the doctor says, "Brian, you're going to have to stop masturbating." He asked the doc why? The doc said, "So I can examine you!"
When I get naked in the shower, it gets turned on.
Why did the library book go to the doctor?
It needed to be checked out.
Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar? Because she heard the drinks were on the house.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can't do stand-up.
You take care of chickens. Does that make you a chicken tender?
Even a psychopath is sympathetic when an onion self-harms!
Random person: "Just turn the page and start over."
Me: "I'm not sure if you're telling me to be gay or uhhhh die but both are good options."
Police: Where do you live? Blonde: With my parents. Police: Where do your parents live? Blonde: With me. Police: Where do you all live? Blonde: Together. Police: Where is your house? Blonde: Next to my neighbor's house. Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Blonde: If I tell you, you won't believe me. Police: Tell me. Blonde: Next to my house.
Trees are so social. They're always branching out.
It's not pedophilia, it's early access.
Q: What’s the difference between Usain Bolt and Adolf Hitler?
A: One got to finish a race.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
They can never make it home.
What is the difference between a Rubik’s cube and a penis? I don’t know, but they both get harder the more you play with them.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke marijuana. Jack got high, pulled down his fly, and asked if she wanna. Jill said yes and pulled up her dress, and they had a little fun. Stupid Jill forgot the pill, now they have a son.