Worst Jokes Ever
How do you punish Helen Keller?
You leave the plunger in the toilet.
The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters, ...
so Trump can't tweet it.
I know you don’t like rape jokes, but I’m gonna force one on you anyway.
Why can't an orphan play Family Feud? Because it has to have a family.
Wanna hear a good joke?
My dad’s love for me.
What did the sex offender frog say to the other sex offender frog when a hot frog passed them?
Rrrrrapeit!
You: Say "addicted" after everything I say.
Person: Uh okay.
You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: What hit you in the face last night?
Person: Addicted... *laughs*
(It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")
That awkward moment you try to relate to Batman by killing your parents.
When your friend asks why you don't smile, then you look at them and realize no one is there because you have no friends. #my life
What is an alien's favourite chocolate?
A Mars bar.
What did the beaver say to his son?
Dam, son.
Why did the boy get run over?
Sally was driving.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why?
To get to the idiot's house.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
Once I saw a mirror... and that was when I got the ability to become a ghost.
What do you call a cow who plays an instrument? -- A moosician.
I have sex daily, I mean dyslexia, fuck!
One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles. Once the cops arrived and asked what had happened, the snail said, "I don't know, it all happened too fast!"
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.
What first went through Sally's head when the Nazis came? A bullet.
Where did Sally go when the bomb exploded? Everywhere.
What did Sally get for Christmas? A bike.
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?
Ask them to pronounce "unionized".
Did you know the people in the twin towers were great readers?
Yeah, they went through 80 stories in seconds.