Worst Jokes Ever
So there I was, fucking my sister, and she shouts, "God, you fuck like Dad!" I then said, "Damn, that’s what Mom said."
And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.
What's the darkest point in the universe?
The inside of a KFC.
What do you call someone who wants to commit suicide by jumping off a building?
A cliffhanger.
I was with my blind friend, and he's telling me, "Yeah, I can read braille." So I hand him a Lego brick and ask him to read it. Apparently, Lego has been hiding a dark secret from us for years; as all their bricks read, "Screw you, asshole."
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? -- Because the octopus was well armed.
What do you do when you see a sad orphan?
Nothing, let them wait for their parents.
Q: What is the difference between a stripper and a bungee cord?
A: It's cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're pretty much screwed.
Brother: I bought my brother a trampoline today, the ungrateful fuck just sat in his wheelchair and cried.
Don't mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
Son - Dad, I've been expelled from school for having sex with a girl in my class.
Dad - Son, that's the 2nd school this year! Maybe teaching isn't for you!
Why did Sally get to go to Hawaii for free?
She washed up on the beach.
What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs?
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
My new girlfriend is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.
Why did the squirrel do the backstroke?
He wanted to keep his nuts dry.
What is a pirate's favorite letter?
You'd think it'd be R, but really his heart will always belong to the C.
Are you enjoying my yolks? I bet they're making you crack up. If not, I better scramble.
Even a psychopath is sympathetic when an onion self-harms!
What do you get when you cross a road with a stalker?
Raped.
A mosquito with a Mario hat on flies on you saying, "It's-a me, Malario!"