Worst Jokes Ever
Q. What is the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid? A. The phrase "jump rope" means different things.
So, a kid walks in the house and says, "Mommy, Mommy, I found daddy!" And the mother says, "Stop digging around in the garden, and let your father rest in peace."
What is a priest's favorite song?
-- Magic Flute in A minor.
What are the big mouths of feminists good for? Portable urinal for men.
Today was a bad day. There was a man throwing butter and cheese at me, how dairy!
An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas.
"I don't understand it, Doc," she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas." "Thankfully," she added, "they are at least silent when I fart."
Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him.
The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled.
The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".
How does Jesus make tea?
Hebrews it.
Stephen Hawking isn't really dead, he's just rebooting.
Ever since I needed a wheelchair, my husband has been so rude. He’s been pushing me around and talking behind my back.
How many police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just beat the room for being black.
Why did the depressed person rob a bank? Because you're not killing yourself if a cop does it for you!
I was asked at school to draw a line across the paper, but instead I showed them my wrists.
Why can’t Jesus be born in West Virginia?
Because they couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin.
I would tell you a construction pun, but I'm still working on it.
What do you call a Mexican midget?
A paragraph, because he’s not a full Esé.
Q: What's the best part about gardening?
A: Getting down and dirty with your hoes.
Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: How do you breathe through that little thing?
Why is Santa's sack so big?
He only comes once a year.
What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?
A pair of gloves!
Nah, I’m not that mean, he’s still trying to open his presents.
What's the only time you can do almost whatever you want?
When you have a gun in your hand.