Worst Jokes Ever
Apparently, as a 4-year-old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.
Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.
What's worse than a failed attempt at suicide?
The pity looks people give you and people keep you away from 'dangerous' things.
I hear skeletons like to play the saxaBONE, though I think the tromBONE would be better, but tibia honest, both can be HUMERUS, wouldn't wanna hurt your funny bone, but I think your starting to get BONELY so I'll stop pulling your leg. Now get out before I give you a bad time.
Yo mama so fat, even Bob the Builder said, "We can't fix that!"
Poor Stephen Hawking couldn't pass the "I'm not a robot" test.
Two pedophiles talking to each other:
"Do you got two fives for one ten?"
They should add an eleventh commandment to the Bible:
Thou shalt not f... altar boys.
It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”
A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation, and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she's away.
On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going, he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.
The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, "You can't tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn't get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day, you could have said that she died from complications."
The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, "Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can't get down..."
What is a necrophiliac's favorite band?
Coldplay.
Immigration jokes just cross the line.
How do you pet a psychopath's cat?
You get it out of the microwave.
What's the leading cause of pedophilia? Sexy children.
What goes 100mph and bounces up and down? A baby tied to the back of a truck.
Stephen Hawking walked into a bar. Just kidding :(
My sister and I were both adopted from the same country, and my parents say they got us on a "two for one special."
Why doesn't my egg want to crack?
Because I hate my egg-sistence.
What is the difference between a Rubik’s cube and a penis? I don’t know, but they both get harder the more you play with them.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? -- "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."