Worst Jokes Ever
Someone butt-dialed me again yesterday. It seems that only assholes want to speak to me.
Why do they have air conditioning in hospitals?
To keep all the vegetables fresh.
Chuck Norris can make 5 minute frosting in 4 minutes.
What is the difference between R Kelly and Kelly Clarkson?
R Kelly hits on preteens, Kelly Clarkson hits on toddlers.
Q: What’s the difference between Usain Bolt and Adolf Hitler?
A: One got to finish a race.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friend's pen. In the end, he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chicken's life.
Sans: Wow, seems you’re really working yourself... down to the bone!
What did the football coach say when he went to the bank?
-"I want my quarterback."
Do you wanna hear the gossip about butter?
Actually, I shouldn't spread it.
What did Jenny get for her birthday after a car accident?
An amputation.
How does NASA organize a party? -- They planet.
Why did the bum get a slap?
Because it was being too cheeky.
We shouldn't joke about rape, because rape is no laughing matter...
Unless you're being raped by a clown.
Pedophiles don't win races because they like to come in a little behind.
What do you call a nut on a wheelchair?....A busted nut.
You want to hear some marriage jokes?
Don't worry, it's just a couple.
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, pulled down his fly, and said, "Jill do you wanna?" Jill said yes, pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun. But stupid Jill forgot the pill so now they have a son.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot wheels.
A girl and her brother are walking in their garden. POV: Brother. Sister: "Why are you cutting those flowers?"
Brother: "Because they're beautiful!"
Sister: "I thought you said you cut yourself because you aren't."
Brother:......
Why can't orphans be gay?
They have no one to call "daddy."