Worst Jokes Ever

Don't pick flat chests because they will turn their backs on you twice.

I was playing Mortal Kombat with my friend when he picked the fighter Pristiano Penaldo. I won and the voice didn't say "Finish him," so I couldn't do a fatality.

I was confused, but I understood that the game didn't let me finish him because he is already finished.

Pickup lines in 2022 are like: "Are you Russia? Because your bombs are so big!"

I either want to hang, stab, or shoot myself. I'm dying to choose.

What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, it's not coming anyways.

Customer: "Can I get this in a smaller size and a different color?"

Employee: "Ma'am, this is an adoption agency, you can't do that here!"

I was beefing with a dude in a wheelchair, so I took his wheelchair and threw it across the street and told him, "Walk it off, you will be fine."

I told my friend that if he ever wants 50% off something at a store, just to take me with him and scan my wrist.

Roses are red, Violets are twisted, You bend over, You're about to get fisted.

Yo mama is so fat, that when I unfollowed her on Instagram, my phone got 1 GB of storage.

So my dad said to me and my sister, "Don't fight," but did he mean "fist fight" or "yelling fight?"

My life is a joke.

What do lesbians do when they have a problem? They finger it out.

When Santa asks you what you want for Christmas, then says "ho ho ho," say, "Yes, please."

Death once had a near Chuck experience.

Why did the scientist want to take off his doorbell?

Because he wanted to win the no-bell prize.

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.

There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. Orphanages are really fun to work at.

I made a 3D game about a depressed, self-harming goth. It's mostly unskippable cutscenes.

The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.