Worst Jokes Ever
My husband told me to make him a sandwich. I was looking online for some comebacks. Someone online said, "You better come back with a goddamn sandwich!"
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
The only reason Stephen Hawking died is because he forgot to update to the latest version of Microsoft.
What's a Mexican's least favorite lesson in art? Drawing border lines.
What’s the best part about twenty-eight year olds?
There’s twenty of them.
How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
Why did the noble gas cry?
Because all his friends Argon.
Look in the mirror. There's a joke for you.
Stephen Hawking is such a bad role model for our kids.
He only ever looks one way when crossing the street.
What was Michael Jackson's favorite dessert? Cream pie.
Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says: "Well...we're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon.
The next day when little Jonny's father comes home, Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" His father is confused. "What do you mean?" he asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"
Me: Happy birthday! I got you a Rubix cube! Friend: I hate you. Me: Why? Friend: I'm color blind.
What do you call someone with Down Syndrome who smokes weed?
A baked potato.
Helen Keller picked up a cheese grater, it was the most violent story she'd ever read.
Why do bees have sticky hair? They always use honeycombs.
Go Kermit, toaster bath.
In a cruel twist of irony, Stephen Hawking's favorite song was "I've Got the Power."
What had more brains than Hitler? The wall behind him.
Did you know when scientists discovered atoms could split, it blew them all away?
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Why couldn't she get up?
She had no friends.
Knock Knock (Who's there?)
Not Sally...