Worst Jokes Ever
A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, “Hey mister, it’s getting really dark and I’m scared.” The man replies, “How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.”
What's a Mexican's favorite video game?
Borderlands.
Asked my dad what LGBT stands for.
He started with "Lettuce? Bacon. Tomato. What's the 'g' for?" Obviously, I had to reply with "Garnish."
Why is Santa always so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
Why did the Secret Service detain Johnny Depp at the White House?
Because he was about to kick the cabinet.
What do you call a dad in the mirror?
(Your imagination.)
What do you call it when a friend calms his suicidal friend? "Hang in there, buddy."
A preacher was selling a horse. A cowboy decided to buy the horse. The preacher told the cowboy to make the horse go, to say "Thank God" and to stop the horse, to say "Hallelujah". The cowboy then rode off into the sunset until he came upon a cliff, searching his memory he yelled "Hallelujah" and the horse stopped just before going off the cliff. Then the cowboy said "Thank God".
A kid walks in late to class. The teacher asks him, "Why are you late?" and he replies, "I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake." Another kid walks in late to class, and the teacher asks him, "Why are you late?" and he replies, "I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake." The last kid walks in and the teacher says, "Why are you late?...and why are you wet?" and the kid says back, "Remember, my name is Pebbles!!"
In Saudi Arabia, our pick up lines are, "Girl, are you a terrorist? Cuz you da bomb."
Chuck Norris can pick an apple from an orange tree and make the best lemonade you've ever tasted.
What can you say to make a rape victim feel better?
"It will be over soon."
Roses are red, I don't know why, Living is hard, I want to die.
What is an Emo’s favourite music element?
Self harmony.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He just stares them down and gets the information he wants.
Why does Helen Keller hate the national anthem? Oh, say, can you see?
Candy is dandy.
But liquor is quicker.
How do you make 7 an even number? Take the "s" out!
Condoms? HA! Those are for pussies!
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A “Lickalottapuss”.