Worst Jokes Ever
Wanna hear a good joke?
My dad’s love for me.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on juan.
My friend and I were walking down the street, and we saw this one disabled kid getting bullied by three other kids. Urgently, we sprinted over to help. He had no chance against the five of us.
What did the beaver say to his son?
Dam, son.
You: Say "addicted" after everything I say.
Person: Uh okay.
You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: What hit you in the face last night?
Person: Addicted... *laughs*
(It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")
That awkward moment you try to relate to Batman by killing your parents.
When your friend asks why you don't smile, then you look at them and realize no one is there because you have no friends. #my life
How does a prostitute make more than a drug dealer?
Because she can clean her crack and sell it again.
I know you don’t like rape jokes, but I’m gonna force one on you anyway.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why?
To get to the idiot's house.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
Once I saw a mirror... and that was when I got the ability to become a ghost.
What do you call a cow who plays an instrument? -- A moosician.
Me: I kiss my mom on the lips.
Friend: Uh, I guess that's somewhat nor-
Me: Lower lips.
Friend: I gotta go.
One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles. Once the cops arrived and asked what had happened, the snail said, "I don't know, it all happened too fast!"
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.
What first went through Sally's head when the Nazis came? A bullet.
Where did Sally go when the bomb exploded? Everywhere.
What did Sally get for Christmas? A bike.
At a date:
He: "I work with animals every day."
Me: "Oh, how sweet! What do you do?"
He: "I'm a butcher."
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?
Ask them to pronounce "unionized".
Did you know the people in the twin towers were great readers?
Yeah, they went through 80 stories in seconds.
Everyone loves orphans,
other than their parents of course.
The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters, ...
so Trump can't tweet it.