Worst Jokes Ever
What's the difference between a shooter and a bullied autistic kid? It depends on who's shooting.
How do you get a nun pregnant? -- Dress her up as an alter boy.
What’s Bin Laden’s favorite drink? Double Manhattan.
Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy? He died of a yeast infection.
What's green then red all over and goes 100mph?
A frog in a blender.
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt-quack.
Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?"
His mother replies, "The stork brings them."
Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Then who fucks the stork?"
What's a lesbian's favorite sport? Dodgeball.
Hear about the restaurant called karma? There is no menu: You get what you deserve.
Why does Peter Pan always fly? Because he Neverlands.
A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her.
"Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.
"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."
The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."
The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fulfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"
"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.
"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"
You're so flat, you make pancakes look thiccc.
What's My Favorite Thing About My Grandpa?
His life insurance...
Why can’t Jesus be born in West Virginia?
Because they couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin.
Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll?
Ken came in another box.
I saw a sign the other day that said "Maximum penalty for smoking is £1,000."
But that's not right. Surely the maximum penalty for smoking is Death.
Want my opinion on Mongolia? It has its pros and Khans.
Chuck Norris decided to sell his urine as an energy drink, which you now know as Red Bull.
What did MC Hammer say to Michael Jackson?
"U Can't Touch Kids."
Asked my dad what LGBT stands for.
He started with "Lettuce? Bacon. Tomato. What's the 'g' for?" Obviously, I had to reply with "Garnish."