Worst Jokes Ever
My sister's boyfriend is mad at me because I fucked his girl.
Welcome to Dave's Orphanage. "You make it, we take it."
How did they know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment...
Why are heterosexual women jealous of gay men?
because gay men can perform fellatio on men better than they can.
How do trees get online? -- They just log in.
What do you call it when a midget waves at you?
A microwave.
What did Stephen Hawking say when his computer crashed?
Nothing.
I saw a cute coworker and had sex in the back till I realized it is a family business.
Father: "The church is on fire! GET OUT! GET OUT!"
Priest: "Ok, what about the children?"
Father: "FUCK THE CHILDREN!"
Priest: "Do you think we'll have time?"
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? -- Meals on wheels.
You can't be a loser if you have nothing to lose.
What do you call an ice skating dwarf?
A midget spinner.
Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...
Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)
AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]
Why did the gym close down? -- It just didn't work out.
As a child, my mother always told me she was going horse riding. My whole life changed when I found out she was under the horse.
A German went to France for a holiday, and here is the scene. French border staff asked, "Occupation?" The German replied, "No, no, no, just visiting."
What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and the Statue of Liberty? The statue stands for something.
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don't have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend, "We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks. But then when the bill comes, you get down and suck on the hot-dog, and it'll look like you're sucking on my dick. So then we'll get thrown out without paying, and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again."
His friend agrees, so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude's pants, go to the bar, and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, "Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!" The first guy says, "Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!"
I won't ever forget my dad's last words: "OH GOD THE POLICE!!!"
Why couldn't the Japanese man give a high five?
Because Logan Paul left him hanging.