Worst Jokes Ever
So there were these two wind turbines standing in a field, and one of them asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?"
The other thinks for a moment and says, "I'm a big metal fan."
My wife said I had no sense of direction... so I packed my sh*t and left.
How do mountains see? They peek.
My son, who is into astronomy, asked me how stars die. I said, "Usually from an overdose."
Yo mama so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.
A man complains to a slave dealer: "The slave you sold me died!"
"By the gods," replies the dealer, "he never did that when I owned him!"
I wish my grass were emo, so it would cut itself.
What's the difference between an emo and my clothes?
My clothes don't hang themselves.
Q. What type of flour do orphans get?
A. Self-raising flour.
John
Student: A plane is carrying 204 bricks, one falls out, how many are left?
Teacher: 203
Student: How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
Teacher: You can't.
Student: Yes, you can. Open the fridge door, put the elephant in.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: Open the door, put in the giraffe?
Student: No, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe.
The Lion King is having a party, who isn't there?
Teacher: Let me guess, the lion.
Student: No, the giraffe, he's stuck in a fridge.
Sally has to cross a river full of vicious alligators to get to safety, she gets across safely how?
Teacher: She stepped on the alligators?
Student: No, the alligators are at the party.
Sally dies anyway, how?
Teacher: She frowned?
Student: No, she was hit in the head by a falling brick.
Why did God build a stairway to heaven?
So all the disabled people will have to go to hell.
What’s the difference between air and a six year old?
Air has resistance.
Why were the twin towers mad?
Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, but instead they got plain.
What do you call an orphan taking a picture?
A family portrait.
What do you call a cleaning skeleton?
The Grim Sweeper.
What do you call it when two transgender midgets have sex?
And microtransaction.
Did you know there are black holes billions of years old?
What’s more amazing is the black holes Stephen Hawking studied. We're only 14 years old.
A black dude hits up a trap house for some crack and Hennessy, flashing his grill and boasting 'bout his gangsta life. The dealer snarls, "Pay up, fool. Or face the pipe!" He shrugs, "I'm broke, n***a." Suddenly, the dealer's ripped enforcer yanks him down, cuffs his hands with zip ties, shoves a vibrating dildo gag down his throat, slaps his ass red with a spiked paddle, then rams his throbbing monster cock into that tight hole, pounding savagely while choking him with a chain collar, flooding his guts with hot cum as he moans, "That's your high, bitch. Addicted yet?"
I’ll never forget my father’s last words...
Oh fuck, it’s a bus!