Worst Jokes Ever

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Tell them to clap until they see their parents.

Your momma is so fat, she can't even go skinny dipping.

What do you call a man with no hands? Clapless.

I would tell you a joke about my dink, but it's too long.

"Welcome to Mama Mia's pizzeria and abortion clinic, where last week's loss is this week's sauce."

I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hairdryer.

How is the world like a box of crayons?

Nobody likes the white ones.

And a side note, it's multi colored.

Three guys are in the woods, a really smart guy, an average guy, and a really dumb guy. They're bored, so the smart guy decides to go hunting. A little while later he comes back with a deer. The average guy asks, "How did you do that?" The really smart guy says, "I see deer tracks, I follow deer tracks, I see deer, I shoot deer." The average guy says, "I think I understand," and leaves. A little bit later he comes back with a raccoon. The really dumb guy goes *gasp*, "How did you do that!?" And the average looks at him funny and says, "Well, I see raccoon tracks, I follow raccoon tracks, I see raccoon, I shoot raccoon." The super dumb guy thinks for a second and says, "Oooohh, ok, I think I can do that..." and leaves.

Hours pass, and the guy finally returns, hurt, bloody, and horribly mangled. They run to help him. Finally, one of the guys asks him what happened. This is what he said: "I see train tracks, I follow train tracks, I see train, I shoot train. But train keep coming."

What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin Sea.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire today.

Now they call him Hot Wheels.

Stop hating on pedos. At least they drive slow in school zones.

What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple? The apple got picked.

I know why Asian's eyes are always closed. It's because Americans are so fat and ugly.

What's the twin towers' favorite football team?

New York Jets.

99% of women kiss with their eyes closed, that's why it's so hard to identify the rapist.

Oh, my fat joke offended you? Which one of your chins did I hurt?

Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.

I swear, in America, one school shooter can take good care of hundreds of kids, but hundreds of soldiers can't even win a war. Might as well send all your school shooters over there.

What's the difference between apples and orphans? The apples get picked, XD!

How can a prostitute make more money than a drug dealer?

She can clean her crack and sell it again.