Worst Jokes Ever
My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later. I said, "Yeah, I was gonna hang there."
I know the voices in my head aren't real, but man, do they have some good ideas.
I would tell a dad joke, but it already left me.
A man walks up to Lil Johnny one day and asks, "If you had one wish, but that wish will be granted to everyone on Earth... what would it be?"
So Lil Johnny thinks real hard and long, then said, "Well, I would wish for me to shit myself."
The man is shocked and asks why, and Lil Johnny replies, "Well, I would be on the toilet. I think everyone else would just be confused!"
My son, who is into astronomy, asked me how stars die. I said, "Usually from an overdose."
The most powerful thing in the world is babies. This is because they cry and get what every they want.
How do mountains see? They peek.
Why do dolphins live in salt water?
Because pepper water would make them sneeze!
Fat people are like the Twin Towers. Once they go down, they don’t come back up.
I feel bad for the guy in 9/11 who ordered a salami pizza. Instead, he just got a plane.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? Apples get picked. Orphans don't.
What's better than winning the Paralympics wheelchair race?
Walking.
What’s the difference between air and a six year old?
Air has resistance.
Why did God build a stairway to heaven?
So all the disabled people will have to go to hell.
Did you know there are black holes billions of years old?
What’s more amazing is the black holes Stephen Hawking studied. We're only 14 years old.
What do you call it when two transgender midgets have sex?
And microtransaction.
John
Why were the twin towers mad?
Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, but instead they got plain.
Student: A plane is carrying 204 bricks, one falls out, how many are left?
Teacher: 203
Student: How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
Teacher: You can't.
Student: Yes, you can. Open the fridge door, put the elephant in.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: Open the door, put in the giraffe?
Student: No, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe.
The Lion King is having a party, who isn't there?
Teacher: Let me guess, the lion.
Student: No, the giraffe, he's stuck in a fridge.
Sally has to cross a river full of vicious alligators to get to safety, she gets across safely how?
Teacher: She stepped on the alligators?
Student: No, the alligators are at the party.
Sally dies anyway, how?
Teacher: She frowned?
Student: No, she was hit in the head by a falling brick.
What's the difference between an emo and my clothes?
My clothes don't hang themselves.