Worst Jokes Ever
An attractive man and a blonde meet in an elevator.
"Where are you heading today?" the man asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $30."
"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100."
The woman, slightly annoyed, gets off the elevator. The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.
"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"
"Sperm bank," she mumbles with her mouth full.
I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it would just crash and burn.
Do you guys know how to make a hoe in Minecraft?
You pick it up off the street.
What do you call an ex eating Taco Bell?
Explosion.
Dyslexic man walks into a bra.
Why are orphans so skinny?
They never eat anything that is family size.
A nucleus walked into a bar. He asked the bartender, “How much for a drink?” The bartender replied, “For you, NO CHARGE!”
I would tell a dad joke, but it already left me.
A man walks up to Lil Johnny one day and asks, "If you had one wish, but that wish will be granted to everyone on Earth... what would it be?"
So Lil Johnny thinks real hard and long, then said, "Well, I would wish for me to shit myself."
The man is shocked and asks why, and Lil Johnny replies, "Well, I would be on the toilet. I think everyone else would just be confused!"
"You raise me up to stand on mountains," said the dwarf pornstar on my penis.
Your ma is so slow, it took her 9 months to make a joke.
I feel bad for the guy in 9/11 who ordered a salami pizza. Instead, he just got a plane.
Three children play hide and seek. Their names are Silence, Anger, and Parent. Anger counts. Parent hides in the trash. Silence is at the police station.
A policeman looks at Silence and asks: "What is your name?" Silence replies: "Silence." Terrified, the policeman asks: "Where are your parents?" Silence then replies: "Parent is in the trash!" The policeman then asks indignantly: "Are you looking for Trouble?" Silence replies: "No, in fact, Anger finds me."
How do you make a blonde girl stop screaming in bed? Pull out of her.
A teenage boy decides to go see a hooker for the first time and asks his experienced uncle for some tips.
"Uncle, what should I do about the hooker name? Should I ask her real name or should I come up with a name for her myself?"
"Kid, I've been fucking hookers for 20 years and I didn't even know they had names."
If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird black babies, what bird brings no babies?
A swallow.
American soldier: "Did you come here to die?"
Australian soldier: "Nah mate, I came 'ere yesterdie."
What's an upside of being an orphan?
You'll never get grounded again.
I bought a coffin on Black Friday. It was a killer deal.
What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?
The washer doesn't take loads for free.