Worst Jokes Ever
I called an Asian person and asked, 'Is this Mister Wing?' 'No.'
I called once more and asked, 'Is this Mister Wong?' 'No.'
I guess I 'winged the Wong number.'
In his dream, some people gave the Hodja nine gold coins, but Hodja wanted ten. So he refused them. Suddenly, he awoke and saw that his hands were empty. So, he quickly closed his eyes again and said, "It's okay, I'll take the nine coins."
Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.
Why did God build a stairway to heaven?
So all the disabled people will have to go to hell.
Why were the twin towers mad?
Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, but instead they got plain.
What do you call it when two transgender midgets have sex?
And microtransaction.
Did you know there are black holes billions of years old?
What’s more amazing is the black holes Stephen Hawking studied. We're only 14 years old.
Student: A plane is carrying 204 bricks, one falls out, how many are left?
Teacher: 203
Student: How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
Teacher: You can't.
Student: Yes, you can. Open the fridge door, put the elephant in.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: Open the door, put in the giraffe?
Student: No, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe.
The Lion King is having a party, who isn't there?
Teacher: Let me guess, the lion.
Student: No, the giraffe, he's stuck in a fridge.
Sally has to cross a river full of vicious alligators to get to safety, she gets across safely how?
Teacher: She stepped on the alligators?
Student: No, the alligators are at the party.
Sally dies anyway, how?
Teacher: She frowned?
Student: No, she was hit in the head by a falling brick.
What's the difference between an emo and my clothes?
My clothes don't hang themselves.
What do you call an orphan taking a picture?
A family portrait.
Q. What type of flour do orphans get?
A. Self-raising flour.
John
I wish my grass were emo, so it would cut itself.
What’s the difference between air and a six year old?
Air has resistance.
Friend: Wanna hear a joke?
Other Friend: Sure.
Friend: Pussy.
Other Friend: I don't get it.
Friend: And you never will.
A man was walking with a young boy in the woods.
The boy looks at the man and says, "Mister, it's too dark and I'm getting scared."
The man replies with, "How do you think I feel? I have to come back alone!"
wo(man) fe(male) we(men)
dishwash(her)
What's the difference between my wife and a battery? I can't use a battery when it dies.
Why can't Chinese play baseball?
Because they eat the bats.
Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his gaze is blank. The other hunter grabs his phone and calls emergency services: "My friend is dead! What do I do?"
The emergency dispatcher replies: "Calm down. I can help you. First, make sure he's really dead."
Silence on the other end, then a gunshot. Back on the phone, the hunter asks: "Okay, now what?"