Worst Jokes Ever
An attractive man and a blonde meet in an elevator.
"Where are you heading today?" the man asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $30."
"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100."
The woman, slightly annoyed, gets off the elevator. The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.
"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"
"Sperm bank," she mumbles with her mouth full.
What would an orphan priest call himself?
Father Les.
So the other day, I saw a child in a wheelchair.
He was getting bullied a lot, so I came up and said, "Why don't you stand up to those bullies?"
I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it would just crash and burn.
What's Juice WRLD's favorite place to shop at?
Answer: Forever 21.
"Most Deadly Sport"
Playing chicken with a train!
Do you guys know how to make a hoe in Minecraft?
You pick it up off the street.
What do you call an ex eating Taco Bell?
Explosion.
Dyslexic man walks into a bra.
A nucleus walked into a bar. He asked the bartender, “How much for a drink?” The bartender replied, “For you, NO CHARGE!”
Why are orphans so skinny?
They never eat anything that is family size.
In his dream, some people gave the Hodja nine gold coins, but Hodja wanted ten. So he refused them. Suddenly, he awoke and saw that his hands were empty. So, he quickly closed his eyes again and said, "It's okay, I'll take the nine coins."
A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.
He yells, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird black babies, what bird brings no babies?
A swallow.
I bought a coffin on Black Friday. It was a killer deal.
I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.
What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?
The washer doesn't take loads for free.
Why do witches wear name tags?
So they know which witch is which!
American soldier: "Did you come here to die?"
Australian soldier: "Nah mate, I came 'ere yesterdie."
So there were these two wind turbines standing in a field, and one of them asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?"
The other thinks for a moment and says, "I'm a big metal fan."