Worst Jokes Ever
Yo mama so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.
A man sees a crying woman by a pond. She is in a wheelchair and has no arms or legs.
He asks her why she is crying, and she answers that she has never been hugged. Feeling pity, he hugs her, then jogs away.
The next day, he finds her crying again, and she says she has never been kissed. The man kisses her and jogs away again.
On the third day, the man sees her crying and asks her thrice. She tells him she has never been fucked. The man picks her up and throws her in the pond, telling her, "You're fucked now!"
Your ma is so slow, it took her 9 months to make a joke.
What is the only place fat people live?
Obi-city.
My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later. I said, "Yeah, I was gonna hang there."
Pick a number, syckkkkkkk, that’s the wrong number.
All these jokes really hijacking my mind.
Finally, some social platform where you can talk about Muslims and not get bombed.
Obv, unless you share your residence.
My wife said I had no sense of direction... so I packed my sh*t and left.
"You raise me up to stand on mountains," said the dwarf pornstar on my penis.
I know the voices in my head aren't real, but man, do they have some good ideas.
My son, who is into astronomy, asked me how stars die. I said, "Usually from an overdose."
A man walks up to Lil Johnny one day and asks, "If you had one wish, but that wish will be granted to everyone on Earth... what would it be?"
So Lil Johnny thinks real hard and long, then said, "Well, I would wish for me to shit myself."
The man is shocked and asks why, and Lil Johnny replies, "Well, I would be on the toilet. I think everyone else would just be confused!"
What do you call a FAT Man under 5'9"?
A JUMBO shrimp.
I would tell a dad joke, but it already left me.
The most powerful thing in the world is babies. This is because they cry and get what every they want.
How do mountains see? They peek.
A project manager, a mechanical engineer, and a computer scientist are on a road trip through the mountains. As they're going down a pass, the brakes suddenly fail. The car goes off the road and crashes down into the valley. A bit dazed, the three of them get out.
The project manager says, "Well, the best thing to do is to have a meeting and assess the situation."
The mechanical engineer replies, "Nonsense, I have my pocketknife, I'll fix the brakes with that."
Then the computer scientist comes along and says, "Why make it so complicated? Let's push the car back up the road, get in, and see if it happens again."
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? Apples get picked. Orphans don't.
Why was Santa happy?
Because he had 3 hoes.