Worst Jokes Ever

My dad is so good at instruments, he said he loves to finger "a minor."

Why are orphans bad at poker?

Because they don't know what a full house is!

One dark stormy night when I was 8 years old, I woke up in the middle of the night busting to pee. Half asleep, I walked down the stairs and toward the bathroom and heard a strange whirring sound that sounded like a ghost. When I opened the door, I felt a strange cool breeze and the light came on automatically, and the ghostly sound stopped. Terrified, I did what I had to and went back to bed.

The next 3 nights, the same thing happened, and finally, I decided I had to tell my mom no matter how hard to believe it sounded. The next night I woke up, I went into my parents' room and woke my mom up and said, "You have to come with me and see this, it's really important." Half asleep, she murmured, "Oh, what is it? Can't it wait until the morning?" I pleaded, "No, you have to come see, our bathroom is haunted by a ghost. When I go in the middle of the night, I can hear a ghost sound. Then when I open the door, I feel the cold as it swoops through me, and the light comes on automatically." She yawned and said, "Oh, so that's who's been peeing in the refrigerator."

Your mom is so fat that when she fell on the sidewalk, nobody laughed, but the sidewalk cracked up.

What do orphans, parents, and trees have in common? They leafed.

Yo mama's so dumb, when a robber stole her TV, she said, "You forgot the remote!"

When you forget the pinata at the birthday party. The kids: "Aww man." But the emo kid just hung himself. Kids: "Yaaaaayyy." Parents: "Adjust, improvise, overcome, that is the way."

Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”

Dad: “Call me George.”

The CEO of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister in Sweden.

He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend.

A Sunday school teacher asked her children on the way to service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

What's the Twin Towers' favorite Minecraft biome?

A plains biome.

I have some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.

Why do trans women make the best golf course grounds staff?

They’re enthusiastic about getting rid of unwanted balls.

How many gay guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one... But it takes the entire emergency room to take it out.

You look good with anything, but nothing works too.

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

"How do you breathe through something so small?"

What’s the difference between a bitch and a whore?

A whore sleeps with everyone at the party. A bitch sleeps with everyone at the party—except you.

yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale it told her "I wanted your weight not your phone number."

I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.

Why can’t orphans go on school trips?

They need a parent signature.